


Nothing Left For Me Here

by grumblesandmumbles



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Anal Sex, Break Up, Gen, M/M, Moving On, New Relationship(s), Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3692307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumblesandmumbles/pseuds/grumblesandmumbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey calls the one person he can think of after he and Ian break up. He leaves Chicago and learns to navigate the next phase of his life without Ian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mickey's chest burned with exertion as he ran from that crazy bitch Sammi. Apparently, she wasn't dead after all, and she was _pissed_. Mickey just wanted to get away from her without getting hit. He heard the shots going and the sirens behind him but he didn't turn around. He zigged one way and zagged the other, thinking about old advice his father gave him. _Anyone ever shoots at you, ya don't run a fuckin' straight line. Don't give 'em an easy target._ He heard Sammi yelling when the cops caught up with her and the shots stopped, but still Mickey ran. The only noise he heard was his own ragged breathing and his feet pounding the floor. Finally he tired himself out and slowed to a stop. He doubled over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

The reality of what had happened before Sammi showed up came back full force. _He broke up with me. We're over._ The tears that had threatened to spill before were now making good. His vision blurred and he watched the droplets fall and splash on the pavement below him. Mickey had figured that any crying he did over Ian would never have to do with a breakup. He couldn't even process it. He knew it had happened, but he didn't really understand why. When he finally caught his breath and composed himself, he stood back up. He looked around, unsure where to go. He didn't want to go back to his empty house. He couldn't go back to the Gallaghers. Mickey realized in that moment how small his world really was. He took his phone out of his pocket, spinning it around between his thumb and his finger. He debated smashing it on the floor, a bit of outward destruction to show how broken he felt inside. Instead, he swiped at it to access the screen and called the one person who popped into his mind.

"Mands? It's me." 

She could hear the distress in his voice. "Hey Mick, what's up? You okay?" 

He wanted to laugh. He was the farthest thing from okay. "No. Ian broke up with me," he whispered, as if saying it out loud and confirming it made it more real somehow. Maybe it did, but maybe if it wasn't heard it didn't count. 

She yelled so loud that he had to hold the phone away from his head. She started to blame him for causing this, but then she heard the hitch in his throat as he tried to continue and she knew he was wrecked. Even when Ian had left that first time, for the Army, Mickey had not shown her this. Mandy stopped herself from tossing accusations at her brother and tried a new way of dealing with things. 

"Mick, what happened?" She didn't really expect an answer, and certainly wasn't prepared for what he gave to her.

Mickey and Mandy hadn't really talked since she left for Indiana. They sent some text messages back and forth, general catching up and checking in, but he hadn't told her the depth of everything that had happened since she left and she hadn't really asked. But now he did. He sat down on the curb and told her about the suitcases, the porno, the fight they had and Ian taking Yevgeny. He told her about Ian's hospitalization and the paranoia, about almost hurting Debbie, about going on the meds. He told her how he had thought things were improving, about the arrest and Ian taking off with his mother. And the breakup. Mandy was stunned at everything that had happened. 

"Mick," she asked him, "Why didn't you tell me any of this was happening?" 

He sighed into the phone, his breath heavy in her ear. "Fuck Mandy, I don't know," he replied. "We've never really talked about shit. I guess it just didn't occur to me. If I talked to anyone, I always talked to Ian." 

Mandy thought to herself, _Ian's his best friend. He didn't just lose a boyfriend._ She asked him, "So what now?" 

Mickey snorted and replied, "Who the fuck knows. There's nothing left for me here."

Mandy had an idea, and she didn't know if it was a good one, but she thought there were certainly worse ones. "Come to Indiana for a visit. It's not so bad over here. Hell, you may even like it and stick around." 

Mickey started to argue but Mandy interrupted him. "Mick. You said there's nothing left for you there. So why not just come out for a couple of weeks and take it from there?"

He turned the idea over in his brain, thinking of the arguments he would normally use that didn't apply anymore. _There's no Ian stopping me, he left me. Svetlana doesn't care about me being a father, she moved out and hasn't talked to me since. There's no rub and tug, no moving company scam, and Iggy can fend for himself._ "Fuck it, I'll come. Can't be any worse than this shit hole."

They finally hang up after he agrees to pack a bag and check the bus schedule. He makes his way home, entering the quiet house. Never in a million years would he imagine it being this quiet. He goes into his room and shoves some clothes and money into a backpack he dug out from his closet. He paused for a moment when his eye caught sight of Ian's picture taped to the wall. He stared at it for a long moment before hitching the backpack over his shoulder and walking away, leaving the picture where it was. It turned out there was a bus leaving within the hour and he didn't want to miss it, because he thought if he did he may lose his nerve. He left the house without even a second glance.

He made it to the depot with minutes to spare. His bus was already loading and Mickey purchased a ticket and jogged to catch it before it left without him. He got there in the nick of time, handing his ticket to the driver and taking an empty seat next to an old woman with a magazine. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and took it out, figuring it was Mandy checking if he was on his way. The caller ID said _Ian_. Mickey sent the call to voicemail.


	2. Chapter 2

When Mickey made it to Indiana, Mandy was waiting for him at the bus station with a bottle in a brown paper bag. She gave him a big hug and handed it over to him. 

"Sounds like you could use some of this," she said. 

He peeked inside and saw a bottle of whiskey. As they walked out of the station, he unscrewed the cap from the bottle and took a long swig. A trickle escaped the corner of his mouth and he swiped at it with the back of his hand. He relished in the burn of the alcohol as it spread through his chest. He had spent most of the bus ride in a stupor, unable to believe what had happened and what he was leaving behind.

She asked, "You hungry?"

He wasn't, but he knew she wouldn't accept that answer, so instead he shrugged and said, "I could eat."

Mandy looped her arm through his free one and said, "I'll take you to the diner where I'm working. Boss isn't in today, we can get some shit for free. It's not far from here, we can walk it." They set off in the direction she led them in, Mickey nipping from the bottle every so often. By the time they make it to the diner, he had a nice buzz going.

They took a booth in a back corner and a waitress came over.

"Mick, this is my coworker Gina. Gina, this is my brother Mickey. He's visiting me from Chicago."

He greeted her with a halfhearted wave of his hand, but he didn't really care who she was. She, however, seemed quite intrigued by him.

"Mandy, you didn't tell me you had a _brother!_ Let alone one as cute as him!"

Mandy snorted and replied, "I've actually got five. But don't bother with Mick, he's gay as a rainbow."

Mickey dropped his head into his hands and said, "Jesus Christ, I'm not even here an hour and already you're outing me?"

Gina shrugged and said, "Well, it was worth a shot. What are you having?" They gave her their orders and she left to put them in the kitchen.

Mickey glared at his sister. "Really? Had to out me to the waitress?"

Mandy rolled her eyes and said, "You're gay, get over it. Besides, she'd have been relentless if I hadn't. I did you a favor." He didn't respond, opting instead to take another swig from his slowly dwindling bottle. 

Gina returned with their food, burgers and fries for each, and left them alone again. Mickey picked at his fries and left the burger sitting on the plate. But he keeps the whiskey bottle close. After a point, he didn't even put the cap back on it, intent to work his way through the entire thing. The more he drank, the more he started to talk to Mandy.

"I told him I loved him. Twice. He never even told me he loved me, Mands. I looked him in the eye and told him I loved him, and it meant nothing. Sammi came after me and he did nothing. NOTHING! He still hasn't even checked if I'm alive. He called me once, right when I got on the bus, that was it. When he took off the first time, I must have called him hundreds of times. But I'm the asshole, right? I'm always the asshole. Fucked for life. I let myself believe for just a little while that it wasn't true, but there was never really hope. What hope does any Milkovich have?"

By now the build up of everything had hit Mickey again. He was laughing, but there was a hard edge to it, and Mandy realized they needed to go. She waved for Gina's attention to come and wrap their leftovers and said to Mickey, "Maybe you should give me that back for now," as she reached for his bottle.

He pulled it back from her grasp and took another drink. Gina brought back their food in takeout containers and helped Mandy wrangle Mickey to his feet. "C'mon Mick," she encouraged him, "I'm not far from here." Mandy threw his arm over her shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist, grabbing the food with her free hand and propelling him towards the door. 

They slowly made their way towards her place, Mickey drinking and raving the entire way about his breakup. He was at the point of being totally despondent, and Mandy decided the whiskey had been a terrible idea, no matter how good the intentions were. She managed to get them to her apartment and corralled him through the door and onto the couch.

Mickey slumped down, still maintaining a strong grip on the bottle. "He was all I had, Mands. Everything I did was for him. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

She finally managed to pry the bottle out of his hand and said, "You move on, Mick. It hurts and it sucks and it takes time, but that's all you can do. You get through it and then you get over it." She crouched down next to him and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. "I know we don't... talk much. But you can talk to me, Mick. I'm your sister. I know Ian's my best friend, but I don't like what he did to you. I don't want you to think you can't talk to me."

He nodded, eyelids heavy. She pulled the blanket off of her bed and laid it over him, picking up his feet and sitting down on the couch, placing them back down in her lap. She turned on the TV and they stayed like that until he fell asleep.

Some time later, Mickey woke up having no idea where he was and desperately needing to pee. He shot up and looked around, not remembering for a moment that he left the state and was in his sister's apartment, until she appeared from a hallway.

"Hey, you're awake, want the rest of your food?"

He nodded and said, "Gotta take a leak, where's the crapper?"

She pointed down the hallway from where she had come and said, "Last door on the right."

Mickey got up and stumbled down the hall, half from being groggy and half from still being a bit drunk. Once he had relieved himself, he made his way back into the kitchen and dropped himself onto a chair at the dinette table. Mandy dug his leftovers out of the fridge and passed them over, not bothering to heat them up. She knew he hated eating reheated food. She grabbed him a soda and tore off a paper towel and offered him both. Mickey slowly ate his food, hunched over his plate. Mandy took hers out as well and joined him. 

He heard the lock to the front door click and bristled, waiting to see Kenyatta appear and steeling himself to play nice for Mandy's sake. But when the door opened, it wasn't Kenyatta but Gina who entered the apartment. Mickey looked at Mandy, confused, and asked, "What the fuck is she doing here?"

Gina smirked and said, "Hello to you too. I just so happen to live here."

Mickey raised his eyebrows at Mandy and said, "What about Kenyatta?"

Gina grabbed a beer out of the fridge and asked, "Who's Kenyatta?"

Mandy shuffled in her seat and said, "My ex. Hopefully he's dead in a ditch somewhere for all I care."

Mickey wanted to ask her more about that, but for now he was just happy that the motherfucker was out of the picture. "Well, good riddance," he said. He held out his soda to toast her and she laughed, picking hers up and hitting them together.

Mandy realized then how much she had missed Mickey. They had never been that close, but she missed his sarcasm and his quick wit, and the fact that he would do anything for her just because she asked. He didn't need an explanation, being his sister was enough. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand, smiling at him when he looked up questioningly. He gave her a half smile back, but it was tinged with sadness. Gina excused herself and retreated to her room, leaving the two of them alone to finish their food.

Mandy said, "Our couch sucks, you can sleep with me in my room if you want."

He looked at her and replied, "Fine, but only if you put some fuckin' pants on."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. When they were done eating, she threw out their garbage and they went into her room to go to bed. He changed into sweatpants and she threw on pajama shorts. The last thing Mickey felt before he fell asleep was Mandy pressing a gentle kiss into his temple.

\--------------------

Two weeks went by and there was no communication between them. Not that Ian expected Mickey to reach out after the way he handled things, but he had hoped he would. He didn't know why. At the very least, Ian wanted to apologize for the way he had dealt with the breakup, hoped maybe they could finish the conversation so that it wasn't left so open-ended, and at best hoped maybe they could still be in each others' lives. He knew that was asking a lot, but he couldn't really imagine not talking to Mickey at all, not seeing him. The past two weeks had hurt like hell. There had been countless times that he had reached for his phone, wanting to share something with Mickey and restraining himself. Times when his phone did ring or beeped and he scrambled for it, only to have a message from Fiona, a call from Lip, a question from Debbie. He still wasn't taking his meds, and they were watching him like a hawk, but had temporarily quit pushing it on him. He knew they were trying to conspire about it though. 

He had went back to Patsy's. Fiona had told him Sean was holding the job for him and Sean had made good on that. He was walking home and passing the street that would take him to Mickey's house, and before he knew it, he was at the door. He hesitated before giving a knock. If Mickey was home, maybe they could just hash this out, and whatever happened from there happened. He heard footsteps moving closer and felt his heart start racing, but when the door opened it wasn't Mickey but Iggy.

"Uh, hey," Ian greeted him. "Mickey here?"

Iggy shook his head and said, "Nah man, he split. Took off about two weeks ago, hasn't been back since."

Ian recoiled as if he had been slapped. _Where the hell would Mickey even go_? "You know where he went?"

Iggy shrugged and replied, "Nope. But you can come in if you want. I know you left some of your stuff here if you wanna take it." He stepped back to let Ian in and retreated into the living room where he was, apparently, watching porn and eating Dinty Moore right from the can. As strange as it might seem, it was so oddly familiar to Ian that it made his heart ache.

"Thanks," he mumbled as he entered. He felt like an interloper, like he didn't belong here anymore, and that made his heart ache even more. Ian made his way to Mickey's room and pushed open the door. 

Things looked pretty much like they normally did, except that Ian could see that there were some things missing. Mickey's deodorant and cologne weren't on the shelf behind the bed anymore. The pile of clothes that was on top of the dresser looked a bit smaller. Ian found that the majority of his stuff had been stacked in one corner of the room, as if Mickey had been planning to return it to him. But that might have just been when Ian had moved back in with his family, and not related to the breakup. He grabbed his things and put them on the bed, looking for something to put them in. He went to the kitchen, found a garbage bag, and came back with it, tossing his stuff in. He did an inventory of the room looking for anything else that was his and noticed his picture taped on the wall. He traced his outline with his finger, wondering where Mickey had gotten it. It looked like it was from awhile ago. Ian could feel the tears he wanted to let out and thought he should get out of there before he turned into a bawling mess. He grabbed the bag with his things and made for the front door.

"Thanks, Iggy," he said as he went out the door. "See ya around." He hurried out, not waiting for an answer, and jogged home. 

When he got home it was dinner time, and all of his siblings besides Carl were gathered at the table like old times, but Ian didn't want any part of that today. He came in the back door and made his way straight up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door. He heard Fiona trying to call after him and Lip telling her to leave it alone. He took out his cell phone and texted the one person he could think of to talk to. _I fucked up._ It took a little while, but eventually he received a response.

_Mandy: I know_  
_Ian: I guess you talked to Mickey_  
_Mandy: Yea_  
_Ian: Is he okay?_  
_Mandy: He's trying to be. That's something I guess_  
_Ian: I went by the house, Iggy told me he split town_  
_Mandy: That's what I hear too_  
_Ian: Do you know where he went?_  
_Mandy: If he wanted you to know he'd have probably told you_  
_Ian: That's not fair_  
_Mandy: No, what's not fair is that you broke up with him and how you handled it_  
_Mandy: I love you and you're my best friend but he's my brother, and I'm on his side_  
_Mandy: I can't talk, I'm at work and my break is over but don't be a stranger_  
_Mandy: Message me once in awhile, I still love you xoxo_  
_Ian: I love you too_


	3. Chapter 3

When Mickey had been in Indiana for about six weeks, Mandy started pushing him to take action to move on from he and Ian's relationship.

"Mandy, I'm not ready to date anyone," he argued with her.

"I'm not talking about _dating_ Mick, I'm talking about _fucking_. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It works! It's a distraction or some shit."

He huffed and said, "Can you fuckin' drop it? I'm not ready for all that."

She backed off for the moment but she was committed to getting Mickey back out there. She was partway there as it was. She had gotten him a job as a bar back at a place down the street from her apartment. The pay was shit, but he got discount drinks and the crowd was mostly older locals. It wasn't unlike The Alibi. The place very much had a neighborhood feel. Since it seemed he would be staying, at least for a little while, he offered to chip in towards the rent. The girls had felt bad taking his money when he didn't even have his own room at the moment, so they agreed to let him just chip in for food and utilities. He was still camped out with Mandy and it was working surprisingly well. She mostly worked afternoon and evening shifts at the diner, so she was almost always awake when he came home from the bar, and they would sit up and talk for awhile. For the first time in either of their lives, it felt like they were really getting to know each other.

After a few weeks of harassment, Mandy was finally able to convince Mickey to let her take him to a gay bar. He only agreed because Mandy promised him that it was a regular bar, not a lounge or one of those night clubs with gross old men trolling for younger guys.

"Mands, if this place is really froofy, I'm walking the fuck out."

She rolled her eyes and replied, "It's nooooot. We've been there with Marco before, it's more your vibe I swear."

Marco was Gina's brother, and apparently gay as well. The four of them were all off from work that Friday night and had made plans to get together. Mickey hadn't met Marco yet, but Mandy swore he was a cool guy. When Friday rolled around, Mandy had to convince Mickey to at least wear his decent, fitted jeans and one of the few button down shirts he had brought instead of his usual attire.

"Thought we were just going out for some drinks," he grumbled at her.

She picked the shirt she liked best and tossed it at him. "Wouldn't hurt you to clean up a bit though," she replied. He knew underneath it all she was still pushing to get him out on the dating scene, but that didn't mean he had to do it. He gave up arguing and took his clothes into the bathroom to change and clean himself up.

The two of them and Gina shared a cab to the bar, where Marco was supposed to be meeting them. They arrived and managed to snag a high top table near the back. They got settled and Mickey offered to buy the first round. He got the girls' orders and Marco's, which Gina gave him, and made his way to the bar. When he was returning with the drinks, he saw that Marco had arrived. His back was to Mickey so he didn't see as Mickey approached with the drinks.

Mandy spotted him making his way back to the table and yelled, "Here's my brother! Mickey, come meet Marco!"

Marco turned around and Mickey almost did a stutter step. This guy was _hot_. This was the first time since he and Ian broke up that Mickey even noticed what another man looked like.

He put down the drinks and offered his hand. "Hey, I'm Mick."

The guy smiled and said, "I'm Marco, nice to meet you. You got me a drink! Thanks!"

Mickey just nodded, not really knowing what to say. "Yea, no problem."

He sneaked glances at Marco, taking him in a piece at a time. His shaggy brown hair that fell just past his chin and somehow had that perfectly tousled look. His chocolate brown eyes and the crinkles that appeared in the corners when he smiled or laughed, which he seemed to do a lot. His straight and impossibly white teeth. His lean, wiry physique. He didn't know if this was supposed to be a setup, but he was glad Mandy had made him change. Not that he was ready to get out in the field, but he couldn't be sitting here in a t-shirt with no sleeves and baggy jeans from Goodwill while Marco was sitting next to him like walking sex.

They all made small talk and kept the drinks flowing. Mickey caught Marco looking at him a few times, but he wasn't sure if he was being scoped out or judged. He saw Marco notice his knuckle tattoos, but Marco didn't say anything about them. Mickey wanted to hide his hands under the table, but figured that wouldn't work for very long so he didn't bother. Gina and Mandy got up together for a bathroom run and left the boys alone.

Marco smiled at him and said, "We should exchange numbers, hang out sometime."

Mickey felt like he was put on the spot and he didn't know what to do. "I gotta be honest with you, I'm only a couple of months out of a relationship. I don't think I'm ready for all that."

Marco replied, "No I know, Gina told me about you. I just figured it would be cool to have another gay friend around. Someone who gets it, you know? I don't really have gay friends out here, I just have my sister."

Mickey realized that wasn't unlike him and figured it couldn't hurt. "Okay, fine." He beckoned for Marco's phone with his hand and took it, typing his number in and saving it before the girls got back. "Can we maybe not mention this to our sisters? Mandy's trying to pimp me out as it is, I don't need her to go ape shit the minute I'm around another gay guy."

Marco laughed hard at that. His laugh was infectious and Mickey found himself laughing too. It was the first real laugh he had in some time and it was nice. When he caught his breath, Marco said, "Sure Mick, no problem." Their eyes met for an extra second when they smiled at each other, and Mickey couldn't help but think it was nice. 

When they parted ways a short time later, Marco threw Mickey a tentative wave and a smile, which Mickey returned. They took a cab back home and helped get Gina into her room. When he and Mandy were alone, she jumped immediately into the events of that night. "Marco's nice, right?"

Mickey didn't look at her as he undressed down to his boxers and grabbed sweats. "Yea, he's a cool guy." He could hear Mandy fidgeting behind him.

"He's hot as hell too," she added.

He climbed into the sweatpants, hitching them up and turning around to face her. "Yes Mandy, he's hot," Mickey agreed. "But don't go getting any ideas. I told you, I'm not ready for all that shit." She nodded her agreement, but he could see her brain at work and knew he hadn't heard the last of this Marco situation from her quite yet.

When Mickey woke up the next morning, he had a text on his phone from Marco. _It was great meeting you last night. Want to grab a drink next week?_ Mickey sent his response before he could change his mind. 

_Looking forward to it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you read this chapter, imagine Marco as Matthew Gray Gubler from Criminal Minds. Then drool. You're welcome.


	4. Chapter 4

It was the Tuesday after everyone had hung out together at the bar and Mickey was startled awake. At first, he wasn't sure what woke him up until he realized the alarm was going off on his phone. He couldn't figure out why he would have a morning alarm set, since he worked evenings and nights. He looked at the screen and groaned. Across it was _IAN'S 18TH BIRTHDAY!!_ with some balloon emojis for added emphasis. He had taken measures to get Ian out of the forefront of his mind. He had changed the wallpaper on his phone to something generic. He hadn't had the heart to delete pictures of the two of them together, but had moved them out of his camera roll and into a separate folder. But it hadn't occurred to him to check his calendar. He laid back and remembered when Ian had programmed that in.

_It had been early on in the summer and uncomfortably hot, even in the mornings. They had tried to fool around but the heat was just too oppressive. Mickey had dug a box fan out of a closet and they had taken to just laying side by side on the bed, trying to let the blowing air cool them down._

_"Your birthday's coming up soon, the big 2-0," Ian had said to him. "We should do something to celebrate."_

_Mickey had turned his head to look at his boyfriend. "Sure, we can do that," he had replied._

_Ian nudged Mickey's leg with his own foot and said, "Well, what would you want to do?"_

_Mickey had shrugged and said, "A celebration to me is a case of beer and a blow job, you know I'm easy like that. Besides, 20 isn't a big deal birthday. It's not 18 or 21, it's just stuck in the middle."_

_Ian had nudged Mickey with his foot again and said, "You know, I'm turning 18 later this fall."_

_Mickey reached over and cupped his face. "Course I know," he had replied. "I've been squirreling away money when I could for months so we could celebrate. Anything you want."_

_Ian beamed at him and said, "Really?"_

_Mickey nodded and Ian had leaned across him, grabbing Mickey's phone from the nightstand and accessing the calendar. He made the entry and said, "Well, just in case you need reminding." Mickey laughed and rolled over to straddle Ian, wrestling the phone away from him. Soon they forgot about the phone, and the heat, and were only thinking about each other._

Mickey sighed and slowly got out of bed, not wanting to disturb Mandy who had somehow slept through the phone blaring. He threw on a t-shirt and jeans and made his way out of the room. He put on a pot of coffee and made himself some toast. The kitchen was nearly devoid of food. They had pooled their money and made a shopping list the night before, and since he knew there was no hope of him falling back asleep now, he figured he might as well go to the store and take care of it. He made quick work of his breakfast and grabbed the grocery list and money, leaving a note for the girls to let them know where he'd went. The grocery store was just a few short blocks away and Mickey set out on his errand. He worked his way through the aisles of the store, crossing items off his list and comparing sales. He felt his phone buzz and pulled it out to see he had a text message from Marco.

_Happy hour this Thursday? Same place? Half priced drinks!_ Mickey found himself smiling as he pecked out a response. _Sounds like a plan. 6ish?_ Marco sent him back a thumbs up emoji and Mickey pocketed his phone. He grabbed what was left on the list, paid and made his way back home. When he got there, he heard Mandy on the phone and realized that she knew what today was too.

"Ian, you have to celebrate, you're 18! I know you're not in the mood, but you should just go do something later, you'll get more into it once you do. I know, I miss you too. But maybe I'll come back for a visit for my 19th, it's only a few months away, being early in the year and all. We can celebrate together! He's fine. Have you reached out to him? Yea, that's true. Okay, I gotta go to work soon, I gotta run. I miss you too. Talk soon! Bye."

She came out and found Mickey putting the groceries away. "Oh hey," she greeted him. "Didn't realize you were back."

He nodded and said, "Yep. Got back a few minutes ago. How's Ian?"

She stiffened and said, "Guess you heard us talking." He nodded, not saying anything else. Mandy decided to continue. "He's miserable. I think he really misses you."

Mickey shrugged and said, "He should have thought of that."

She sighed and nodded. "I know," she said. "But I think he would love to hear from you."

Mickey shook his head emphatically. "No, uh-uh," he said. "That's not a good idea. I thought you were on my side here!"

She held her hands up in surrender and said, "I am Mick! I just feel bad, he's hurting. I know, it's his own fault. But I don't like seeing either of you in pain."

He sighed and said, "Mandy, I fucked up plenty of times over the years. I know I did. But I was doing my best for a long time. And my best was pretty damn good. I tried to let things go on as long as I could without getting him to do anything because I knew he couldn't admit there was a problem. I cared for him, I bought him fucking vitamins and talked him down from bashing his sister's head in and I was everything he ever claimed to want and he didn't care. So I can't either. I can't do it. He won't let me help him. This is what he wanted, and now he's got it. I have to live my life."

Mandy knew Mickey was right and she backed off, but she still felt bad for Ian. She had figured out that he broke up with Mickey out of some misguided sense of doing right by him or setting him free. She knew her best friend. But she also knew that the way he had handled the entire thing and acted so callous was an issue, one that hurt her brother, and that Mickey had every right to feel how he did. Mandy looked at the time and went to drag Gina out of bed since they were both on the afternoon shift. In a matter of minutes, the girls are dressed in their uniforms and out the door, leaving Mickey alone. He doesn't have to be at work until 4pm. He watched some TV for awhile, but his mind kept wandering back to the calendar alert and his conversation with Mandy. Before he could stop himself, he took out his phone and sent Ian a text message. _Happy Birthday. The big 18. Hope it's a good one._ Ian responded almost immediately.

_Ian: Thank you. It's so good to hear from you Mick. How are you?_  
_Mickey: I'm fine, hope you're doing well._  
_Ian: I've been better._  
_Ian: I miss you. I miss talking to you, seeing you, everything._  
_Mickey: I can't do this Ian, it's too soon, it's still too fresh._  
_Mickey: Maybe one day we can be okay or clear the air, but not now._  
_Ian: I'm really sorry Mick. For everything._  
_Mickey: Take care of yourself, Ian. Please just take care of yourself._

Mickey got up and went to take a shower before work. As he stood there under the flow of the water, he felt his emotions building. He hadn't really talked much about the breakup since the first day he got there and Mandy got him drunk, and now he felt like it was catching up with him. His shoulders shook as he heaved out sobs, pressing his hands against the wall to steady himself. He was glad that he was alone in the apartment, and he just let it out. Once he had calmed down some he set about finishing his actual shower routine and getting dressed. He did feel better for having purged it, felt lighter. He went to work that afternoon and for the first time in months felt a little more of a pep in his step.

\--------------------

Mickey had never felt as nervous to hang out with a guy as he had when he was getting ready to meet up with Marco. Not even Ian. Things with Ian had been complicated in so many ways, but there was always an ease between them. They knew each others families, each others worlds. But Mickey didn't know anything about Marco or his life, and he was worried about being judged. Especially if Marco dared to judge him without having been through some shit of his own.

He debated between two of the three button down shirts he had brought, not wanting to wear the same one as before. It occurred to him that if he was going to stay out here indefinitely, he either needed Iggy to send him stuff from home or he needed to go shopping. He settled on a blue one that supposedly brought out his eyes, whatever that meant. He didn't want to think about the source of the compliment, or how quickly the shirt had come back off in a frenzy after he had first been eye fucked and then properly fucked in the dressing room stall. He shook his head to clear out the memory that threatened to settle in his brain and moved to the bathroom to fix his hair, grateful the girls were both out and none the wiser about his plans.

He called for a cab and paced around the living room until he finally heard a honk from outside. He checked to make sure he had all his necessities and he was out the door. He got to the bar and realized he had beaten Marco there. He ordered a drink and grabbed a booth to wait. He felt his phone buzz and saw that he had a text message from Marco. _Got stuck at work but I'm on my way. I'll be there in just a few minutes!_ Mickey had seated himself facing the door so he could see when Marco came in. As promised, it wasn't long before he came through the door and started looking around. Mickey waved to get his attention and he waved back, making his way to the table.

"Hey," he greeted Mickey, "Sorry I'm late, my boss was being hell on wheels today."

Mickey replied, "No problem, I wasn't waiting long." Marco nodded in relief as he took off his scarf and jacket, tossing them on his side of the booth and flopping down. A waiter came around and they ordered a round of drinks and some appetizers to start them off. 

Mickey asked, "So, what is it that you do anyway?"

Marco replied, "I work at the Arts Center downtown. I do a bit of everything. Teach some of the art classes, help plan events and programming. Everyone's pretty hands-on there. We have a winter arts sale coming up in mid-December, and my boss is convinced that we're low on inventory, so she was harassing me to find more artists or pony up more stuff of my own to sell, but I'm tapped out. I gave her whatever pieces I was going to part with." 

Their drinks came and Marco said, "Let's make a toast. To new friends." They clinked glasses and each took a swig

"So you do art. That's cool," Mickey said. "Must be nice to do something you like and get paid for it."

Marco agreed and added, "Yea, I always dabbled in it and I went to art school for graphic design. I do that freelance on the side."

The waiter came by again with their appetizers and they started picking at the food. "So, tell me more about you," Mickey said between bites 

Marco chewed thoughtfully for a moment before he spoke. "Well, I'm 23. I'm Italian from Jersey. I'm the middle child of three kids. You know Gina obviously, and we have an older sister Rosanna. Our dad took off after Gina was born, I don't remember him. Mom raised us on her own until I was about 10 and she got remarried. Mom's great, but stepdad is a jackass. Very religious, didn't take it well when I came out. Don't laugh, but when I was getting my degree, I did some modeling to help pay for my school. When I was in art school, I met a guy who was in regular college near me and I followed him out here when he got a job with some corporation based out here. We broke up and I stayed, I liked it. Gina barely had her high school diploma when she followed me out here. She's the rebel of the bunch. She just wanted to get away, though she didn't really have anything to run from. I do the art thing, and I like to see live music. I'm pretty ridiculous. I try not to take things too seriously. How about you?" 

Mickey thinks for a long moment about how to explain his life to Marco. He takes a deep breath and figures there's no good way but to just spit it out. "I'm the fifth out of six kids. Mandy is the youngest, and only girl. I'm 20, and before you ask how I get into bars, I have a great fake ID. I'm from the Southside of Chicago. We grew up pretty poor. Mom died when we were kids, dad is a drunk and user and homophobic piece of shit. Last I heard he was still in jail, I haven't talked to him for probably around a year or so. Since I came out and he tried to attack me at... At a bar."

Mickey edited out the christening part, because he didn't know if he was ready to explain that entire part of his life to a relative stranger. "Yea close to a year. Maybe not quite that long. Anyway, all I knew from the time I was growing up was hustling and scheming. Dealing drugs, busting kneecaps, I went to juvie a couple of times. I've definitely calmed down a lot but it's left me in a position where I don't really know what's next for me. For now, just doing what I can I guess. I didn't even finish the 9th grade."

He could see that Marco was processing everything, but he didn't seem to be judging any of it. Finally Marco said, "Well, I guess saying you had a crazy childhood would be an understatement, huh?"

Mickey had to laugh at that. "Yea, I guess it would be," he agreed. They kept eating and drinking in companionable silence for a minute or two when Marco chimed in with a question Mickey had hoped could be avoided.

"So, you came out here because of a bad breakup, right?"

Mickey nodded, not trusting himself to speak for a moment. Marco continued, asking, "Why don't you tell me about him?" Mickey tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling, thinking. How could he explain Ian or their relationship, or the myriad of problems that brought everything crashing down?

_His name is Ian. He actually just turned 18 a couple of days ago. We grew up in the same neighborhood, we were even on the same little league team when we were kids, but we weren't really friends. He and Mandy are best friends, have been since right before he and I started. She told me that he had messed with her so I would kick his ass, but he had actually rejected her flirting with him because he's gay and all. So I went to fight him and it started this weird thing where I went to the store he worked at and bothered him and his boss a few times before he had enough and came to my house to confront me. We got into a fight, like punching, throwing each other around fight, and then it just... shifted. And we had sex. He had been seeing his boss and when he and I started up, he stopped seeing the guy. The guy knew me and him were a thing and I couldn't help myself, I taunted him. I never liked the guy. He was older, married, had kids and was 'dating' this kid. I taunted him and he shot me because I stole a Snickers bar from him. I got arrested for petty theft and sent to juvie. I could have stayed out if I admitted the truth about me and Ian but I was so far in the closet at that point. Anyway, he was the only person who came to see me, and got the guy to give me money for my commissary account. That's when I think we started to like each other more than casually._

_I got out eventually and we picked up where we left off. It was good for awhile until his dad caught us together and I lost it. His dad is a drunk and has a big mouth, and he and my dad know each other. I was seriously on the verge of killing or seriously hurting him to shut him up but instead I got myself sent back to juvie. Figured it was safer than facing my dad if he found out. I knew I fucked up though. He was pissed and didn't come see me at all. I got out the second time and we picked up where we left off again. There were some... circumstances that happened that I really don't want to get into right now but long story short, he left and joined the Army. Got his brother's info so he could get in. He was gone for awhile. Some shit went down, he still never told anyone what exactly happened while he was there, but he went AWOL and found his mother who's always in and out of the picture and was hiding out with her. Eventually between his brother and me we tracked him down. From there he and I were together, for real. I came out to my dad for him. It was terrifying, but the idea of losing him was worse. I thought that getting through that would be the biggest test but then one day, he just wouldn't get out of bed. I'd never seen anything like it. His family told me that their mother has bipolar disorder and they thought he did too, but he was in denial. I was too. One day he started improving and I thought maybe that was it y'know? Just a fluke._

_But there were other things and eventually it all grew and grew until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I tried to get him help and he ran off. We eventually tracked him down here in Indiana, actually, in Terre Haute. He had been brought in by police after an... incident. He finally agreed to get some help, but he almost gave up on it before he'd barely started. Then he started taking meds and was seeming a bit more like himself. He was having trouble adjusting, but things again seemed to be looking up. That's always been the pattern with our relationship. As soon as things improved, some new bullshit reared its head and threw us into chaos all over again. He got arrested by Army MP's. They let him off due to his medical history but by then he must have had some change of heart because we went to see him and found he had been released and his mother had shown up to get him. They were in the wind. I tried to reach out to him, over and over, but he didn't answer. I didn't really expect him to, honestly. Finally he did call me and told me he was back home and I swear I ran over there as fast as I could, only for him to break up with me. I told him I loved him to his face for the first time, and he dumped me anyway, and left me to be shot at by his crazy sort of half-sister. Don't even ask about that part. And here I am._

There was a long silence between the two before Marco broke it. "Jesus, I was not prepared for that. I should have had at least three more drinks. And you lived it! That must have been rough on you." Marco motioned to the waiter and waved his hand to indicate another round of drinks.

"Yea," Mickey said. "It was hard for him with everything. Still is, I'm sure. His family doesn't help, but they try."

Marco shook his head and said, "No, I'm talking about _you_ right now. It must have been hard to watch someone you love struggle with all that and try to help them only to be shut down."

Mickey shrugged, feeling evasive. It was one thing to talk about he and Ian's history, but trying to make sense of his feelings was a whole different animal. "You don't think about it when you're in it," he told Marco. "It was just about getting through it, getting from one thing to the next. I guess I just learned to live like that because it never let up. But I was okay with it. I really was. Because as long as we were free to be together, it didn't matter. I never thought that there was anything we couldn't get through. I never imagined that either of us would end it. I thought we'd always be together. It just wasn't even a question."

Marco smiled softly and said, "You know, it's okay that you still love him. It takes time to get over things, and I believe when you love someone like that you never truly stop. Love changes, it transitions, but you can't ever erase a person who means so much to you at your core."

The waiter arrived with new drinks and Marco said, "I think we need some shots too. Bring a few rounds. Vodka?" He directed the question to Mickey who shrugged and nodded. The waiter went to handle the order and Marco held up his glass for another toast. "To lost loves. May we learn from them and come out the other side stronger."

Mickey tapped his glass and took a long swig of his drink. With the shots Marco kept ordering they eventually managed to navigate to happier topics. Soon they were both beyond drunk and eventually decided they should probably go home. They stumbled their way out to the sidewalk, leaning on each other for balance and laughing at something, though neither of them seemed to remember what had been so funny.

Marco was trying to look at his phone to call a cab when he tripped and fell on the sidewalk. He yelled, "Oh shit! Man down!" He laid on the floor laughing while Mickey stood over him, trying to help him get up but laughing just as hard.

They finally calmed down enough for Mickey to help him off the floor and ask, "How far are you from here?"

Marco replied, "I'm downtown."

Mickey didn't know the area that well yet but he knew downtown wasn't that close to where they were. "Just crash at our place tonight," Mickey said. "We're much closer. Crash on the couch." Marco thought for a minute before he finally agreed. Mickey had called his cab from inside before they left and it pulled up just as their plan was decided. 

They got back to the apartment and Mickey found a pillow and blanket for Marco to use. He wished him goodnight and went to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mick... Mick. Get the fuck up."

"Hmm?" He mumbled and rolled over, convinced he must still be dreaming. Because why would Mandy be waking him at this ungodly hour?

"Mickey, you better get up before I stomp on your dick."

He moaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Fuck you want, Mandy? What time is it?"

She hissed at him, "It's 7am and I got up to pee and I want to know why the fuck Marco is on our couch."

It took Mickey a moment to remember what had happened the night before. "We went out for drinks last night, he got wasted and I told him to crash here because it was closer than him trying to get back to his place."

She punched him hard in the arm and said, "Like a date?! You guys went on a date last night?"

He forgot how much her punches hurt. "Fuck Mandy, Jesus with the hitting! No not like a date, we just hung out. Like friends or some shit."

She eyes him suspiciously and asked, "You sure that's all it is?"

Mickey rolled his eyes and said, "I told you a million times, I'm not ready to get back out there yet. I'm just trying to branch out or whatever the fuck. He's a cool guy. Can I go back to bed now?"

Mandy nodded and said, "Fine. But first, you should get him up and find out what time he needs to be at work. He'll probably have to go home first and clean himself up and change."

Slowly Mickey got to his feet and stumbled out of the room. He put on a pot of coffee and went to check on Marco. "Hey," he said as he gently shook Marco's shoulder, "Wake up. I don't know what time you have to be at work but you'll probably want to go home first, so you need to get up."

Marco slowly opened his eyes and looked at Mickey with confusion for a moment before the memory of the night before came to him. "Mornin'," he managed to croak out. He gave Mickey a sleepy smiled and asked, "You guys got any coffee?"

Mickey nodded and said, "Already put it on for ya. It'll be done soon." Marco sat up and stretched while Mickey poured them each a mug of coffee. "How you do you take yours?"

Marco replied, "Just a little bit of milk." Mickey fixed it as he was told and offered it to Marco. "Thanks," Marco said, taking a sip and holding the mug under his nose to smell it. Mickey joined him on the couch and they each drank their coffee in silence. He found himself stealing peeks at Marco, taking note of his messy mop of hair and his bedroom eyes and the bit of stubble that had appeared on his face.

Marco finished his coffee and looked at his watch. "Shit, it's almost 7:30," he said. "I should probably run home and get cleaned up before I go to work." He fumbled in his pockets until he found his cell phone and called a cab. When the cab honked outside, Marco got up to leave and Mickey walked him to the door. They said goodbye and Marco started to walk to the cab, but turned around one last time before he left. "I had fun last night," he said to Mickey. "We should hang out again, but maybe less booze next time... Or not getting wasted on a work night at least." They laughed and Mickey agreed. Marco turned back to go to the cab, throwing Mickey one last look and wave before he climbed in and it pulled away. Mickey finished his coffee and padded back into the bedroom to get some more sleep.

\--------------------

As fall gave way to winter, little things in their group started to change. When Gina and Mandy had both started dating new people, they went from being a quartet to a sextet. Mandy had met Paul at the diner when he had jumped to her defense after another customer tried to get aggressive with her. They had been practically inseparable ever since. The bonus for Mickey was that she frequently slept over at his place, so he had the room to himself. Though he was starting to consider looking for his own place anyway. Sharing with Mandy was actually not too bad, but he thought it was a bit much by now. Gina had met Ray on some dating site that she had signed up for after she lost a bet with Marco. He liked to remind her of this fact at least once a week. Mickey and Marco started hanging out regularly and apart from the rest of the gang. Everyone had figured out that they were into each other... That is, except for the two of them. Or if they had figured it out, they weren't talking. Gina and Mandy had resolved to each other that they would not to give their brothers any shit. They didn't want to disturb the balance and send them away from each other. 

The six of them had all had Thanksgiving together, which consisted of very dry turkey and a lot of alcohol. For all their tricks and talents, none of them were particularly good cooks. They went to support Marco at the charity art sale that was sponsored by his job and Mickey saw Marco's art for the first time. He didn't know a fucking thing about art, but he thought that Marco was really good. Mickey was more surprised to see that he did all different types of art, not just one. There were paintings, photographs, art made up of a whole bunch of different stuff that, according to Marco, was a "mosaic." Mickey and Mandy were fascinated. Gina saw their reaction and joked, "You think that's impressive? Add in the fact that he also writes, sings and plays instruments. He's like the artistic trifecta. He saved no talents for me or Rosanna." Christmas and New Year's were right around the corner and Mandy decided she wanted to go back to Chicago for a visit. She hadn't been home at all since she left with Kenyatta. She had asked Mickey if he wanted to come with her, but he said no. He wasn't sure he was ready for all that just yet. She was taking Paul with her and had agreed that they could bring back more of Mickey's things. Ray was visiting his family in Michigan and Gina was actually flying east for the holidays, but Marco hadn't been able to get off any vacation time to go with her.

"Guess you're stuck with me," he had told Mickey when he found out his request was denied. Mickey certainly didn't mind though.

\--------------------

Mandy and Paul arrived in Chicago the day before Christmas Eve. She hadn't told anyone they were coming, wanting it to be a surprise. She was nervous about showing him where she came from, but figured he would find out eventually. They pulled up to the Milkovich house and the first thing Mandy noticed was that the majority of the garbage that had been in the yard was now gone. She was relieved that the first impression wasn't as bad as she had imagined it would be. She led Paul up the stairs and knocked on the door. Iggy opened it and gave her a big hug. They came into the house and found that Svetlana, Yevgeny and Nika had all moved back in. Mandy introduced Paul to everyone, but didn't bother explaining who they were. She was very aware that no one had any idea about this part of Mickey's story.

They all caught up for a bit until Mandy got restless. She asked, "You guys seen any of the Gallaghers around?"

Svetlana nodded and said, "I see Fiona. She visits The Alibi sometimes. And Orange Boy. He had it bad for a bit. Finally taking crazy pills again, seems calmer. He doesn't seem happy about it, but I think he's still moping over your durok brother."

Mandy turned to Paul and said, "I want to go visit Ian, my best friend? I told you about him. You can come, or you can stay here if you want. I haven't seen Ian in a long time, I need to get over there."

Paul saw Iggy breaking out his bong and said, "Don't worry baby, go visit your friend. I'll hang here, it's fine." She kissed him goodbye and left to go to the Gallaghers.

Mandy was nervous but she knocked on the door. It felt like forever since she had been there. She knew from Ian that things had changed a lot around there. She hoped that Fiona didn't answer the door, and she got her wish when she saw Debbie, who was even taller than she remembered. They both paused and stared at each other for a moment, both of them looking so similar but different from the last time they had been together. Suddenly, Debbie stepped forward in one swift move and gave Mandy a huge hug.

"Holy shit, I can't believe you're here! Come in, come in!" She followed Debbie into the house and saw Liam watching TV. He looked at her solemnly but didn't say anything. She figured he probably didn't remember her.

Mandy asked, "Is Ian here?"

Debbie shook her head and told her, "He should be back in about an hour. He's at work. You're welcome to stay and wait if you want."

Mandy nodded and they sat down together in the kitchen. Mandy had expected a wave of nostalgia that didn't happen. The house was so quiet now. She had always loved the Gallagher noise. She asked Debbie what was new with her and was treated to a recap; of everything that had happened since Mandy moved. She told Mandy about losing her virginity, her boyfriend Derek, her pregnancy scare which had luckily just been a scare. Mandy was saddened but not surprised about how Debbie had grown up in such a short period. Debbie had been about to launch into another topic when suddenly the front door opened and Ian entered. 

As soon as he had properly entered the living room, his and Mandy's eyes had locked on each other. They both stared at each other silently for a few beats. Mandy gathered herself first and scrambled out of her seat, running across the house and jumping into Ian's arms, who caught her easily. They both held each other tight and when they pulled back, both had tears in their eyes. She couldn't help but notice how small Ian looked, how fragile. Everything had really been taking a toll on him.

She hugged him again and whispered, "I've missed you so much. So so much, Ian." He nodded his agreement, not letting her go. "Let's take a walk," she suggested.

She grabbed her things and they made their way back out into the Chicago afternoon. It was cold, but not uncomfortably so. They wound up at the same park where they had first bonded, once again sitting side by side on the swing set. "Ian, have you been taking care of yourself? You look like hell."

He shrugged and replied, "Med adjustment is a bitch. But I've been taking them, so that's something."

She reached her hand out to him and he took it. They sat quietly for a bit before Ian finally asked the question he had been trying so hard not to. "How's Mickey?"

Mandy thought about it for a moment. "He's doing pretty well, actually," she told him. "I have a confession to make. He's been staying with me since he left Chicago."

Ian nodded and said, "I guess that should have occurred to me."

She continued telling him about their lives out there. "Indiana's been good to us, Ian. We have legit jobs, we have friends, we do things. The threat of Terry is gone. It's been really, really good."

Ian smiled at her wistfully and said, "I'm happy for you. I really am. I fuckin' miss you though."

She smiled at him and said, "Yea, me too."

They rocked back and forth on their swings for a few when Ian asked another question he had been trying not to ask. "Do you think he'd ever take me back?"

She shifted uncomfortably, knowing she needed to protect her brother in this instance but not wanting to hurt her best friend either. Mandy finally replied, "Shit, I don't know, maybe. Probably. But I don't think it would be fair of you to ask either. You really hurt him, Ian. I didn't know he was capable of loving anyone the way he loved you. And maybe he would come back to you because of that, because I don't doubt he still has feelings for you, but you haven't earned it. I don't know if you could. You're my best friend, I know how you think, and I get why you ended things. I do. I get it more than Mickey ever will. Because you wanted to set him free. But you handled it terribly. I think Mickey needs to realize that he can still be okay on his own, or even with someone else. I think he needs to realize that he's capable of caring about other people, maybe even loving them, and receiving that love back. It's a path every Milkovich needs to go on, honestly. It took me long enough. I moved out of state with an abusive piece of shit. I had to learn to be on my own. I'm dating Paul now, but there was awhile where I dated no one and it was good for me."

"Is he dating anyone?" The question came out in a whisper. He could hardly bear to even ask it, let alone hear the answer.

She paused for a few seconds before she said, "No. No, he's not dating anyone."

Ian didn't think her answer seemed very sincere. "Mandy," he said, "Please don't lie to save my feelings. If he is, just tell me."

She shook her head and said, "It's not that. He's not dating anyone. But, I think he's getting closer to it. A guy we know. They're just friends, but I think there's something there. I just... I don't think he's ready yet. Or he's holding back."

Ian snorted, reading between the lines of her response. "Well," he said, "I'm sure that's my fault. Can't blame him I guess." They sat in silence again, but this time it was more awkward. "What's he like? The guy?"

Mandy looked at him and said, "Do you really want to know all this?"

Ian smirked a little and said, "No, but I think I need to. Makes it real and all."

She thought about his question before she answered. "He's nothing like Mickey, that's for sure. He's an artist. He also sings and plays music. Just very artistic in general. He's an open book. Very silly and carefree." Ian nodded. He kept his face impassive, but the words were like a knife in his gut. 

The sun started getting lower in the sky and they figured they should make their way back. As they walked back towards his house, Mandy said, "Ian, we need to hang out as much as possible while I'm in town. I want you to meet Paul! I'm here until after New Year's. Maybe we can ring in the New Year together too."

He offered her a noise of agreement, but in his mind he kept thinking about how much she looked like Mickey, and how he missed her but it was still hard to even be around her. The connection was almost too much for him. She gave him a huge hug at the sidewalk and moved to head back to the Milkovich house. Ian avoided her the rest of her time in Chicago.

\--------------------

New Year's Eve, and Mickey was at the liquor store questioning his life decisions. Mainly why he put shit off until the last minute. The place was a fucking zoo. He and Marco were going to hang out at Marco's place to ring in the new year. Marco had been threatening to make him watch the Twilight Zone marathon all week, and Mickey put up a good protest but secretly liked the show, so he didn't mind. Marco was handling food and Mickey was supposed to be handling the booze if he could ever get out of this place. He had woken up that morning to snow outside and it seemed to be slowing everything down. Mickey grabbed some vodka and champagne and was on line waiting to pay when he got a message from Marco. It was a selfie of him in the snow wearing some hat and a message.

_Marco: Come play in the snow with me ;)_  
_Mickey: That hat is ridiculous_  
_Marco: I'll be beaming you with a snowball for that one! Hurry up and get here already, what's the hold up?_  
_Mickey: Lines are ridiculous. I'll be on my way when I'm done here. What's the rush, the snow gonna melt?_  
_Marco: No but playing in the snow alone is boring_  
_Mickey: What you wanna make snow angels or some shit?_  
_Marco: I hardly think you could do anything angelic... Snow devil for you_  
_Mickey: Guess who's getting pegged with snowballs now... C U soon_

When Mickey got out of the cab at Marco's place, the last thing he expected was an ambush, but Marco must have been watching for him. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. He knocked again and suddenly he felt a cold thump on the back of his head and heard laughter.

"Oh you're fuckin' dead now," he cried.

He put the liquor by the door and started scooping up snow, looking around trying to find where Marco was hiding. He saw a flash from the side of the house and took off after it. He rounded the corner and was greeted by a snowball to the face.

"Fuck!"

He furiously smacked at the snow and continued in his pursuit. He caught up to Marco around the back of the house. Mickey managed to hit him in the neck and took the opportunity at Marco's shocked reaction to catch up to him and tackle him into the snow. They both frantically grabbed fistfuls of the snow, flinging it in each others faces until the cold started to sink in and they came to a truce. Mickey stood first, offering Marco a hand getting up. When they made their way around to the front of the house, Mickey took one last opportunity to push Marco into a mound of snow. He made a break for the front door before Marco could get him back. 

They got inside and Mickey said, "Shit, I'm fuckin' soaked. What am I supposed to do now?"

Marco motioned his head towards a hallway and said, "Follow me, you can wear something of mine." They had been friends for awhile but Mickey hadn't yet been to Marco's place. He looked around as they made their way to the bedroom. It was a two bedroom apartment, cozy but not small. They made their way into the bedroom and Marco offered Mickey a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

Mickey noticed that the bedroom wasn't very big at all. "Your room's kinda small for a master," he said.

Marco smiled and replied, "Oh, this isn't the master. I use that for my studio. Want to see?" Mickey nodded and Marco said, "Change first, then I'll show you." He pointed the bathroom out and Mickey went in there. When he was done, Marco threw his stuff in the dryer and said, "Follow me."

He led Mickey to the room and opened the door, motioning him in. The walls were completely covered with art canvases, photos, and more of those mosaics that Marco had told him about. He also had other canvases laid out on the floor and set up on some easels around the room. Most of them seemed to be in progress, but none of them appeared done. Mickey looked at a few of the mosaics. He found them the most fascinating. How up close you could see the individual pieces that went into it, but far away you saw the bigger picture they made. He noticed that there were all sorts of things in the mosaics. Glass, buttons, pieces of what looked like concrete, and more.

Marco came behind him and softly said, "The pieces might be damaged, but if you reinvent them in a new way, they can be pretty beautiful." Mickey nodded thoughtfully, taking in his words.

They moved back into the living room and Marco got out the food he had ordered for them. He turned on the TV and put on the marathon as he had threatened to, but neither of them were paying much attention to it as they ate and talked. "So Mick," Marco asked, "What's next for you in the new year? You making any resolutions?"

Mickey snorted and replied, "Fuck no, man."

Marco cocked his head at him and said, "Why not?"

Mickey took a sip of beer and said, "I'm fucked for life, anyway. No point, that's all."

They were quiet for a minute, until finally Marco spoke. "Says who? Who says you're fucked for life?"

Mickey rolled his eyes and said, "My family history, being a white trash loser from the Southside of Chicago with barely an eighth grade education. The facts speak for themselves."

Marco actually sneered at him a bit and said, "You're 20 years old. It's on you now. You want to change those things, you can."

Mickey felt his anger rising and was trying hard to keep it in check. "Why you breakin' my balls, man? I came over here to hang out and you're all asking me about my future and shit?"

Marco shrugged and said, "I'm not trying to break your balls, I'm just making a point. If you're happy with your life that's what matters. If you're not, do something about it. But don't hide behind that 'fucked for life' bullshit. That's an excuse. If you want more, fuckin' take it." 

"Well since you seem to have the answers," Mickey snarked at him, "How do I do that?"

Marco thought it over and finally said, "You figure out what you want and work for it. Get your GED for starters. You're not stupid, anyone who talks to you can see that. You should have no trouble getting it. If college isn't for you, maybe a trade school? I don't know what works for you, and I'm not going to give you a guess or opinion about what I think you should do with your life. That's for you to decide."

Mickey rolled his eyes and said, "You just don't get it, man."

That's when Marco finally got mad. It was the first time Mickey had ever seen him pissed off. He yelled, "If I just don't get it, fuckin' explain it then!"

Mickey blew up and yelled right back at him. "EXPLAIN WHAT? THAT I COME FROM A FAMILY OF PIECES OF SHIT? THAT MY FATHER ABUSED US, THAT HE RAISED US TO BE THUGS AND CRIMINALS? THAT I THOUGHT I'D JUST HAVE TO LIVE MY ENTIRE LIFE AS A LIE JUST TO SURVIVE? THAT WHEN MY FATHER CAUGHT ME AND IAN TOGETHER HE NEARLY KILLED THE BOTH OF US? OR THE PART WHERE HE HAD A RUSSIAN HAND WHORE COME TO TRY TO FUCK ME STRAIGHT? OR THE BEST PART, THAT SHE HAD MY BABY? THAT I HAVE A KID THAT SOME DAYS I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT BECAUSE ALL I SEE IS BAD SHIT?" 

Marco didn't say a word. He stood up and left the room. Mickey heard him opening and closing some doors before he suddenly reappeared. "Come with me," he said to Mickey, motioning him to follow. Mickey did, but he was confused. He made a dig towards Marco out of frustration.

"What, you got nothing to say? Hard to respond when shit gets real ain't it?"

Marco led him into the studio room and started moving stuff around. Soon he had cleared a space near the wall and he laid down a plastic tarp. Mickey noticed that he had brought in a bunch of glass jars and bottles of all different shapes, sizes and colors. Marco followed Mickey's eye and said, "Grab one." He hesitated for a moment before picking up a blue bottle that was close to his leg. "Now smash it," Marco said.

Mickey was thoroughly confused and couldn't figure out if this was some sort of joke. "What?"

Marco strode over in a few large steps, grabbed the first thing his hand came upon, and wheeled around. He tossed the bottle full force at the wall across the room and it exploded into shards. Mickey jumped back and said, "What the fuck was that?!"

Marco got in his face and said, "You've got a lot of anger, and I get it. You've been through some shit. You need to let that anger go. Sometimes breaking something helps you feel better. It's cathartic. Now, break that fuckin' bottle." 

Mickey stood there, fiddling with the bottle still in his hand, before finally just heaving it. When it shattered, Mickey felt something in him snap and he started grabbing for more bottles, tossing them as fast as he got them in his hands. He started yelling with each one he threw. By the time he ran out, his voice was hoarse and he was panting. He could feel tears prickling in his eyes, and he didn't even care. Marco had walked out of the room at one point and came back with the vodka bottle and some plastic cups. He poured them each enough for a shot and tilted his cup to Mickey.

They downed the shots and Marco said, "Better?" Mickey thought for a moment and nodded. It actually was better. Mickey looked at the mess and Marco said, "Don't worry, the tarp got the majority of it. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Let's finish eating." They made their way back to the living room. 

They didn't talk much for awhile, watching the TV and eating. Eventually the conversation resumed, but Marco avoided asking anything further about Mickey's plans or his past. As midnight started to draw closer, they switched the channel to prepare for the countdown. The New York ball drop had already happened and they were waiting for their time zone. Marco dug out some plastic champagne glasses he had and filled one for each of them to toast with. When the countdown hit zero, they toasted and tossed back their champagne. There came a moment when they locked eyes and suddenly Marco moved in, gently taking Mickey's face in his hand and pulling him closer. He pressed their lips together, firm but not aggressive.

He pulled back and looked in Mickey's eyes. "Happy New Year."

Mickey could feel his eyes flitting across Marco's face, not able to hold the eye contact. "Yea. You too."

Marco let him go and they just stood there for a moment. "Listen, I have to be honest here Mick, I really like you. I do. But I know you're not ready for that yet. And it's okay. If you feel that way too, I'll wait for you to figure your shit out, but not forever. I just need to know what's going on in your head."

Mickey shifted his weight back and forth, suddenly nervous. He knew he had trouble expressing himself. This was a test for him, and he wanted to pass it. "Marco, I like you too. But I don't think I'm ready to do anything about it yet. I do have a lot of shit I need to do for me. But I like spending time with you and I've liked hanging out with you. I don't want that to change." Marco smiled and nodded. It was enough. For now, it was enough.


	6. Chapter 6

They were nearly into February and while they boys had hung out a few times, they never mentioned anything from New Year's Eve. Mickey had just assumed that Marco would push him to make a decision, even though he had said he would wait. So when nothing happened, Mickey was surprised. They also didn't talk about anything with Mickey's future, or the things he revealed to Marco. Nothing. But that didn't mean that Mickey hadn't been thinking about it. In fact, it was all he had been thinking about. The things he had shared. Marco wanting better for him. Marco accusing him of hiding behind excuses. There were a lot of things in Mickey's life that needed to be rectified, and he figured that he should make himself the priority for once. He didn't really know where to start though. Mickey was at home getting ready for work and he got a text message from Marco. 

_Marco: Hey are you home? Need to drop something off for your sister_  
_Mickey: Yea but I gotta leave for work in an hour_  
_Marco: I'm in the area, I'll be there in 10_  
_Mickey: K no problem_

He looked down at himself, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, and figured that he better finish getting dressed. After their kiss, he didn't want to give Marco the wrong idea. Mickey was interested, part of him was even starting to want to do something about it, but he was scared. Scared of getting hurt, of opening up. Scared that the window of opportunity had closed. Scared that it could never work between them. Scared that it could. Scared because he knew deep down in his heart of hearts that he wasn't fully over Ian. That there had been no closure. Mickey tried not to think about him, because his thoughts on the topic were so muddled that he really didn't know what to think, but sometimes Ian crept in anyway. Not that he had ever left, not really, not fully. Mickey knew that was the whole shit of it. He couldn't just try to start something up with Marco until he figured his shit out. It wasn't fair to either of them, and the entire situation would just crash and burn. Most of all, above everything, Marco was his friend. Even if Mickey never pursued anything more with Marco, he valued that friendship. He had just finished throwing on his clothes and brushing his teeth when he heard knocking at the door.

"Hey, I'm glad you're here," Marco said in greeting as he rushed to get inside from the cold. "I was nearby so I figured I'd come by and drop this off, but then Mandy told me she was with Paul. I didn't know if the mailbox would be big enough." He dropped the large envelope he was holding onto the coffee table.

Mickey eyed the package and asked, "What's all that, 

Marco replied, "Oh, it's GED paperwork. I stopped in the diner last week and she asked me if I could look up some stuff about the GED for her since you guys don't have a computer here. Turns out Indiana offers a program where you can get your GED for free and also take classes in a variety of different areas to get jobs in those industries. So I printed it all out for her so she can see if she's interested in any of the programs. I have to run, I'm late for an appointment, but tell Mandy to let me know if she needs anything else."

He started to leave and Mickey said, "Wait, what appointment? For what?"

Marco paused and said, "I'll let you know what it is when I know what the result of it will be."

Mickey thought that was certainly vague. Marco turned and kept walking towards his car and again Mickey stopped him. "Wait, Marco!" Mickey jogged down the sidewalk to catch up to him as he turned around.

"Mick, I really have to go, I'm going to be late."

Mickey looked down at his feet and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just... I just wanted to ask if you could maybe print me out some of that GED stuff. I wouldn't mind taking a look at it."

The silence was deafening, and he could feel Marco's eyes burning into him. Mickey finally looked up and met his gaze. They stared at each other for a long moment before Marco smiled that big, bright smile of his. He unzipped his jacket and pulled out another envelope. "I was hoping you'd ask."

He offered it to Mickey, who accepted it and said, "Wait, why didn't you just give it to me?"

Marco shrugged and said, "I wanted it to be your decision." He raised his hand in a little wave and continued to his car.

"Marco!" He turned around again and Mickey asked, "Why haven't you brought up New Year's?"

Marco replied, "I already told you I would wait, at least for a little while. That doesn't include forcing it out of you. When you want to talk about it, any of it, we can. Except right now, because I need to go to this appointment." Mickey nodded and waved him off, wondering how Marco had the patience for any of this bullshit.

Mickey brought the envelope with him to work. He had been promoted to bartender so he had the luxury of sitting behind the bar now, and afternoons were always quiet. He opened the envelope and spread out all the papers in front of him. He saw application forms, schedules and locations for the actual GED course, as well as a bunch of pamphlets and information sheets about the different programs. _Huh, I could train to be a mechanic. Or to do heating and AC work. There's a nice amount of choices here._ Mickey flipped through all of the materials in between serving customers. He decided when he got home to talk to Mandy about it. Maybe they could at least do the GED course together. He didn't think she would care to learn about auto repair. The bar emptied out and Mickey was soon bored out of his mind. He wandered around, wiping down tables and refilling napkin holders, just trying to keep himself entertained until the customers reappeared. But it wasn't a customer who finally appeared, it was Mandy. Apparently, he wouldn't have to wait to talk to her after all.

"Hey," he greeted her as she took a stool at the bar. "Pick your poison?"

She shook her head as she stripped off her coat and bag and dropped them down next to her. Mickey saw that Mandy had been crying and he reached across the bar to grab her hand. "Hey, what's going on? What happened?" 

She looked at him with wide eyes and said, "Mickey, I'm pregnant." 

Mickey came from around the bar and hugged Mandy tight, stroking her hair gently. He asked, "How do you feel about this?"

She laughed a little and replied, "Terrified. Happy. Freaked out. Everything. I told Paul. He was excited. Said he wanted to marry me."

Mickey couldn't help but make a face at that, which made Mandy really laugh. They both knew his thoughts on marriage from the one he was still legally involved in. Not to mention the words he spoke like vows to Ian right before he got dumped. "What do _you_ want, Mands?"

She gave him a half a shrug and a smile and said, "I want you to be my best man."

He was confused and said, "Don't girls have bridesmaids or some shit?"

With a sneer, she told him, "Well, I'm not most girls."

He nodded his agreement and said, "If it'll make you happy I'll be your best man or whatever but I'm not wearing a tux. The best you're getting is a regular suit."

She swatted at him as he moved back behind the bar and poured himself a shot. He gave her some soda and they had a toast together. "We're thinking of just doing it on Valentine's Day," she told him. Mickey wanted to roll his eyes at the cliche but he stopped himself, just nodding in acknowledgement. "Mick..." She drifted off, clearly not wanting to say what she was about to say. He looked at her, waiting. She took a breath and in a rush she blurted out, "You're my brother and I love you and I'm on your side, you know that. But I want to invite Ian. He's my best friend."

Mickey could feel the air rush out of him. Suddenly it was harder to breathe. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths and not yell at her like he really wanted to. He knew first hand how bad hormones could be and he didn't want to be on the receiving end of that anger. Besides, if he had been honest with himself, he'd have known this day would come eventually. He didn't begrudge Mandy her friendship with Ian, he knew that Ian had been there for his sister in a lot of ways where he and his other brothers had failed.

"I know, Mands. I'll deal with it. But you gotta promise me you're not going to try to guilt me into talking to or being around him if I don't want to. And I will promise that whatever happens, I won't cause a scene in front of anyone."

She was just happy that he didn't lose it as soon as she mentioned Ian's name. This was progress. She happily agreed. He asked, "What about our family?"

Mandy sighed and said, "Well I'm inviting Iggy obviously. Maybe Aunt Rand, but I don't know if she can make the trip with her MS. I haven't even talked to anyone else since I left so they can go fuck themselves."

Mickey had to smile at that. She always was very cut and dry when it came to dealing with their family. From there, they talked about how well Paul's family took all the news and Mandy somehow convinced Mickey to come with her to find a dress and to walk her down the aisle. She was about to leave when Mickey remembered his earlier visitor back at home.

"Oh hey," he called out as she was almost out the door. "Marco stopped by this morning, left those GED papers for you."

She looked at him, puzzled, and asked, "What GED papers?"

Mickey replied, "He said you asked him to look up some stuff online for you so he did." Mickey told her about the free program and the trade courses.

She shook her head and told him, "No, that didn't happen. But shit, it's a good idea isn't it? I should do that. You wanna do it with me?" He agreed as she threw him a wave and made to leave the bar. She was half out the door before she leaned back in and said, "Hey." When Mickey looked up she said, "Marco's a good guy. Don't make him wait forever for you to get your shit together. Either give it a shot or tell him to let go." Before he could answer, she was gone. He took out his phone.

_Mickey: So Mandy wanted those papers huh?_  
_Marco: A little white lie now and then doesn't hurt_  
_Marco: You still came to the decision on your own and that's what counts_  
_Mickey: Well she liked the idea and I told her I'd do it with her so you win_  
_Marco: No, you guys win_  
_Mickey: Thank you... For everything_

\--------------------

February 11th. The wedding was in a few days and Mickey was packing a bag.

"Are you sure? You shouldn't have to leave," Mandy said.

Mickey glared at her and replied, "Will you quit it already? I told you it's fine, give it a fuckin' rest!"

She held her hands up in surrender and left him to his task. He was checking to make sure he had everything to last him through the weekend. _Got my suit, got my deodorant and cologne, toothbrush, hair stuff, regular clothes. I think I'm set._ Mandy was in the process of getting moved in with Paul and Mickey had agreed to continue sharing the apartment for now with Gina, but there had been the debate about where Ian and Iggy were going to stay while they were in town. Marco had offered to let Mickey crash at his place, an offer which he gratefully accepted so that he could be as far removed from the epicenter of everything as possible. He knew now that his seeing Ian had a time frame, but he wasn't ready to make it any sooner than it had to be. He rushed to get his stuff together before Marco picked him up. Mandy and Ian were going to stay there and Iggy was going to crash with Paul. They had really hit it off when Paul and Mandy visited Chicago. 

Mickey heard Marco before he saw him. "Mick? I'm here."

The front door shut and footsteps made their way to the room. Mickey greeted him and said, "I'm just about ready. Think you can grab the suit for me so I can take my bag?"

Marco nodded and grabbed the garment bag that was hanging on the door. Mickey had made Iggy send it to him as soon as Mandy told him she was getting married, not wanting to run the risk of it being forgotten. Mickey grabbed his bag and checked around to make sure he didn't forget any of the little stuff, running down a list in his mind. When he was satisfied that he had everything, he said goodbye to Mandy and they left. 

Ian had thought that taking a ride with Iggy to Indiana would be weird, but it was oddly comfortable. Iggy was so laid back, that he didn't have any interest in asking Ian about what had happened with he and Mickey, nor did he have interest to hold a grudge. He was more than happy to accept gas money and call it a day. Since he was driving, the plan was for him to drop Ian off first and say hi to Mandy before going to Paul's. It also helped that they had a surprise guest with them that helped balance the odds more for Ian. Ian had told his family that Mandy was getting married, and Debbie had begged to come with him. After some initial resistance from Fiona and even Ian himself, they had both caved and she was told she could come. Iggy found a spot and was busy parking when Mickey was leaving.

He almost went unnoticed until Debbie spotted him. She yelled, "Wait stop, let me out!" She scrambled for the door and hopped out of the car and at first neither of them knew why until Ian's eyes followed the path where she was heading and saw him. He was about to get out and go over too until he realized Mickey wasn't alone. It wasn't until Iggy urged him along that Ian finally got out of the car and headed towards the inevitable.

"Mickey! Mickey!"

He heard the voice calling him but it didn't click who it was until he turned around and had a bundle of red hair crashing into him. He just managed to catch his balance as she threw her arms around him. "A'rite, a'rite Little Red," he said as he patted her back a few times, "Set me free from your clutches please. Hell of a way to greet someone, almost knocking them down in the street."

She stepped back and said, "I've missed you! It's been so long."

He smirked at her, genuine affection on his face, and said, "Well, I guess it's not so bad to see you either."

She noticed Marco watching the scene with open amusement. "Hi," she said shyly. "I'm Debbie."

He offered her hand and said, "Hi Debbie, I'm Marco."

She glanced between the two of them but before she could say anything, she saw Mickey's face drop and she knew he had spotted Ian behind her. Iggy and Ian had been walking together but as they got closer, Ian started to drop back, approaching very hesitantly. Iggy went right to Mickey and hugged him, oblivious to the tension that was quickly building. They were all at a stalemate for a moment until finally Iggy introduced himself to Marco. He and Debbie went to the apartment to find Mandy, leaving the awkward situation behind as quickly as possible. Mickey snapped out of it enough to introduce the two.

"Um, Marco this is Ian. Ian, Marco." They nodded at each other, neither making the effort to be cordial beyond that.

Marco touched Mickey's arm and said, "Here, give me the bag. I'll wait in the car. No rush." He took the bag and left Ian and Mickey alone.

They stayed there, not saying anything for at least a minute or two. Mickey couldn't bring himself to look at Ian. Instead, he tried to stare a hole into the pavement near his feet. Ian broke the silence.

"You look good, Mick."

And he did. He looked like he hadn't been drinking much, if at all. He was wearing nice jeans, clean sneakers and a new coat. Hell, he could have been wearing a garbage bag and he would have been a beautiful sight to Ian after these long months apart.

"Yea you too," Mickey mumbled at his feet.

"Is that your boyfriend?" Ian couldn't help but ask.

Mickey lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug and said, "Nah, not really."

That was definitely the guy that Mandy had mentioned when she visited Chicago. And judging by the fact that he was friendly to Debbie and Iggy but barely cordial to Ian, he knew that the guy knew who he was too. They stood there awkwardly for another minute before Ian said, "I'm on my meds. I started seeing MP's again, thought they had changed their minds about letting me go. I'm coming to terms with it all... Slowly."

Finally, Mickey looked up. "That's really great, Ian."

Ian smiled at him sadly and said, "Too little, too late I guess."

Mickey threw his hands up, but he didn't even have the energy to yell like he normally would. He was mentally exhausted just seeing Ian again. He said, "What do you want from me, Ian? A warm fuckin' welcome? A parade? Last time I saw you, you couldn't even be fucked to do anything about the fact that wackadoo bitch Sammi was tryin' to fuckin' kill me. So I'm sorry if I'm not rolling out the welcome wagon for you."

Ian nodded. "I know, Mick. I know. Believe me I've spent a lot of time thinking about how badly I fucked everything up. I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, and it doesn't mean shit but I am. I need you to know that I am."

Mickey laughed, but he wasn't really amused. "Ian, I'm sure you are. I'm just not sure if it matters. I've got to go, Marco's waiting. Maybe we can talk more at some point, I don't know. I have to see how it all goes. I don't want to take away from Mandy's weekend." He turned and moved towards Marco's car and he heard Ian's voice behind him.

"I want you to be happy, Mick."

He turned back around and the look in his eyes was so sad that it actually hurt Ian. "I _was_ happy, y'know. Even with everything, I really was. You can believe that you breaking up with me was to save me, or make me happy, or set me free or whatever you told yourself it was. But that's just not the truth, Ian. I'm trying to be happy again. I'm getting there. But I wanted to be where I was. There was no gun to my head keepin' me there." Mickey saw the tears in Ian's eyes, but he couldn't comfort him, even though he wanted to. He was barely keeping his own dry. He made his way to Marco's car and they left.


	7. Chapter 7

Ian stood outside and watched Mickey get into the car. He stared down the road until the car was out of sight and still stood there and kept watch for a moment, trying to gather himself before he went into the apartment. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and ducked down to check his reflection in the side mirror of the nearest car. He thumbed the last of the tears from his eyes before he figured he should suck it up and just go inside. He crossed the street and made his way to the door, taking a deep breath before he pushed the door open.

Everyone was in the living room hanging out. Mandy jumped up to greet him, giving him a big hug. If she was mad that Ian had blown her off in Chicago, it didn't show. He was introduced to Gina, Paul and Ray. They all made small talk for a few minutes until Mandy dragged Ian away to bring his stuff into the bedroom. She pulled him into her old room and closed the door.

"I'm glad you came," she said. "Wasn't sure if you would after that shit you pulled when I was home."

Ian scrunched his face at her sheepishly. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, it was just a lot. With everything going on and not seeing you for awhile and how much you look like Mick..." He drifted off, not trusting himself to continue where that sentence could lead. 

Mandy nodded knowingly. "I get it. You still owe me though. Speaking of my brother, I heard you ran into him outside. How did it go?"

Ian shrugged and said, "Awkward. But I didn't get screamed at or punched. So better than I expected honestly."

They both laughed at that and when they quieted down, Mandy's expression got serious again. "Gina decided to just crash with Ray until the wedding is over and offered her room to Debbie, and I think I'm going to just go with Paul back to my place and stay there except for the night before the wedding. All my stuff is there now. It doesn't make sense for me to go back and forth. Are you going to be okay staying here in Mickey's room? That's gotta be weird."

Ian nodded and said, "I think it'll be fine. It's not like back at your house. No memories here. It's so neat you'd never even know he slept here." This earned him another laugh from Mandy. They made their way back to the group and all hung out for a bit until everyone started parting ways. Before Mandy and Paul left with Iggy, she made sure to show Ian and Debbie where all their take out menus were, where the number for the cab company they used was, and promised to be back bright and early the next day to all hang out. 

Debbie retreated to Gina's room, continuously texting with her boyfriend. Ian wondered why she even bothered to come, but didn't want to deal with hearing grief from her if he asked. It was still only late afternoon, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He turned on the TV in the living room and sat on the couch, flipping through the channels until he found a talk show and left it on for the noise. He roamed around the apartment, checking the cabinets, seeing what was in the fridge, peeking in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Eventually, he wandered back into Mickey's bedroom, almost cautiously. Ian knew it was big of Mickey to forfeit his space and leave for a few days and that he should respect that, but he couldn't help but wonder about Mickey's life here. 

Ian went to the closet first, opening the door quietly, as if someone other than Debbie could catch him. There wasn't much in there. A few button down shirts and some jeans. He recognized a few of the items. A calendar hung on the inside of the door. It didn't surprise Ian in the slightest that Mickey didn't just use his phone calendar. _Work... GED classes, wow good for him... Marco's birthday. Ugh._ He closed the closet door and opened the drawers of the beat up dresser one by one. There was nothing interesting to see in any of those. Ian moved to sit on the bed and opened the drawer on the nightstand. This felt more like Mickey. It was a mess of stuff. Empty cigarette packs, old receipts, random odds and ends. Ian had to smile at the familiarity. He noticed a picture under a pair of sunglasses and he took it out to get a better look.

It was Mickey, Mandy, Gina and Marco at some sort of gallery or art show. Ian ignored the girls and studied Mickey and Marco. The way Marco had his arm slung around Mickey's shoulder with so much ease. How the photographer had caught them all in a laugh and Mickey was doing that really toothy grin that he did. How Mickey's arm was casually wrapped around Marco's waist. Ian knew he had no right to be angry, but he was. He was practically seething with it and it made him want to pick a fight. He took out his phone and sent Mickey a text message.

_Ian: I saw the picture you had of me taped to your wall... Kinda creepy don't you think?_

\--------------------

Mickey didn't speak the entire ride back to Marco's apartment. They got inside and Mickey went to take a shower, saying he needed some time to decompress. Marco went into his studio to tinker with a new mosaic he was working on. Mickey had asked to see it, which normally Marco wouldn't mind, but this time he had denied the request. It was a surprise, and he wanted it to be perfect. In all of the madness going on with Mandy's pregnancy and the rush wedding, he hadn't gotten to share his news. He had been invited to have a showing at a local gallery. The curator had been at the winter art sale his job put on and had been impressed with his work. They wanted a certain amount of pieces to show, and the show was only about a month away, so he was in his studio every free moment he had. 

Right now, he was going through a bucket of broken glass. Specifically, the bottles Mickey had shattered on New Year's Eve. He was wearing thick workman's gloves to avoid cutting his hand as he pawed through the bucket looking for just the right color glass. He picked out some pieces he thought could work and set them aside. He heard Mickey come out of the bathroom and move into the living room. Marco went into the kitchen and came back with two beers, offering one to Mickey who took it gratefully. They drank in silence until finally Marco spoke.

"You okay from earlier?"

Mickey tucked the corner of his lip into his mouth, biting gently. "I guess. Could've been worse. Thought it would be honestly." Mickey's phone beeped and he took it out and saw a text message from Ian. "Fuck," he said. "I may have spoken too soon." When he unlocked the screen and read the message, Marco watched his face first read it, then process it, then snarl in anger.

"Motherfucker!" He furiously pecked a response and sent it.

Marco asked, "What happened? What did he say?"

_Mickey: I needed a picture of you. You run away so much, how else would I have remembered what you looked like? Besides if it ever did get to the point of putting you on a milk carton, I'd be ready_   
_Ian: Ooh so clever. Like you never took off, Mr. Two Stints in Juvie_   
_Mickey: Please, you knew where I was. Not like you and your adventures. Missing for two days and only gets as far as Terre Haute_   
_Ian: Fuck you_   
_Mickey: No thanks, already did that_   
_Ian: Original_   
_Mickey: I know... Wasn't clever when you said it either asshole_   
_Ian: Says the guy who kept chasing me like a bitch... After all the times he said he wouldn't_

Mickey was too caught up in his angry messaging to acknowledge that Marco was even talking to him. Ian's last message sent him over the edge and he called a cab. Marco was thoroughly confused when he heard Mickey giving his address as the destination. He hung up and finally noticed Marco staring at him. 

"What the fuck, Mick? What is going on?"

Mickey ran a hand down his face in exasperation. "I'm sorry, Marco. I gotta go deal with this. I'll be back."

The cab honked outside and Mickey threw on his coat and shoes, jogging out in a rush without even saying goodbye. Marco couldn't help but wonder if Mickey really would come back, or if he was on his way to meet his destiny.

\--------------------

Ian had been trying to piss Mickey off, and he knew Mickey well enough to know what buttons to push. He expected a reaction. He did not expect Mickey to come barging into the apartment like gangbusters looking to knock his teeth in. Which is exactly why he was caught off-guard. He heard a slamming noise out in the apartment and was about to get up to investigate when the bedroom door burst open and Mickey came at him in a flying leap. He crashed into Ian, bringing them both down onto the bed, as he drove his fist into Ian's jaw. The surprise of the attack delayed his reaction and Mickey got a few good hits in on him before he was able to block them and shove Mickey off his lap and onto the floor. He rolled away and off the bed to his feet, Mickey scrabbling to get up. Ian caught Mickey in a headlock and Mickey drove his feet down to push Ian backwards into the wall. Debbie came to see what was going on and started yelling at them to break it up. In a panic, she found Mandy's number and called her.

"Mandy, you need to get back here! Mickey came back and they're beating the shit out of each other!"

Mandy chuckled. She had thought they would at least make it past the first day. She had been betting on the 13th for them to have a blow out. "Debs, take my advice. Go in Gina's room and shut the door. This has been a long time coming. Let them work it out, don't get in the middle."

Debbie went back in the doorway and watched as Ian let go of Mickey's neck and shoved him with both hands onto the floor. He moved over Mickey, who grabbed his legs and dragged him down too. Ian was bigger and stronger than Mickey, but Mickey was fueled by months of unexpressed anger and rage, and he soon got the upper hand. He whaled on Ian as he yelled at him.

"Fuck you, Ian! You don't get to come here, stay in _my_ fuckin' house and treat me like shit, sending me stupid fuckin' messages! Fuckin' dumping me wasn't enough?!" 

He pushed off of Ian, leaving him on the floor and pacing back and forth around his room. Slowly, Ian got to his feet. He didn't go after Mickey this time, just stood there waiting for Mickey to continue. Mickey paced over to him and jabbed him in the chest with his finger. 

"You fuckin' dump me after I tell you I love you, after I practically recite fuckin' _wedding vows_ to you, and still I try to be civil when you show your face here. I let you stay in my home, in my room, and you want to pick a fight with me?"

He started winding down, finally sitting at the foot of the bed quietly for a moment before continuing.

"Just because I wanted to take care of you doesn't mean I only saw you as your disorder. People take care of the people they love. That's what you do. You didn't see me sittin' around telling you that you were acting like you were your mother. You broke me, Ian. You broke me, and I came out here, and they're the ones putting me back together a piece at a time. Mandy, Gina and yes, Marco too. Maybe even most of all. And you don't have a right to be mad about it. This was your choice. You drove me here."

He stood up, the fatigue of the fight and his emotions hitting him hard. "I care about you, Ian. I probably always will in some way. But there's no coming back from this. I'm making a new life out here, I'm trying to do for myself, and things are going well. Let's just... Let's just get through this damn wedding. Maybe one day we can be okay and get along, but I just don't know. Not like this. Not with you picking fights with me and provoking me."

Mickey took his phone out and called a cab to go back to Marco's place. He decided it would be best to just wait outside for the cab to show up, cold or not. He went out and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke up in the air and watching it swirl in the light of the street lamp at the curb. A minute later he heard the door click behind him and Ian was next to him. 

"You're right, Mick. That was a dick move of me. I'm sorry."

Mickey nodded. He didn't look at Ian, but he stuck his hand out with the cigarette in it. Ian accepted the peace offering, taking a deep drag and feeling the smoke in his lungs. He exhaled and watched the smoke, much like Mickey had done. He passed it back and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Do you think we could ever be okay, Mick?"

Mickey sighed. "I don't know. Maybe. Not if you want to pick fights with me like a douchebag though. Definitely not in that case. Sometimes I want to hate you. It would be easier. But I can't. I don't. But I can't imagine being with you either."

Ian nodded. Hearing it hurt and he could feel tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, but he willed them not to fall. He stood still, as if stoicism could fight them off. They saw the cab pull up to the curb and Mickey made a move to leave, but not before he thumbed the tears out of Ian's eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, and Ian almost felt as if Mickey's resolve was for show. But then Mickey backed away and gave him a small wave before he got into the cab and was gone.

\--------------------

Marco had been trying to will himself to eat dinner, had even wrestled something up to eat, but he wound up sitting with the plate untouched in his lap while he blankly stared at the TV, not registering what he was even watching. His mind swirled around Mickey's leaving. He may have been playing cool for Mickey's benefit, but for awhile now the situation was making him crazy. He really didn't want to push though. He knew that Mickey was complex, and he had only barely scratched the surface. While some things had been mentioned or hinted at, there was a lot that Marco didn't know about. Such as, the circumstances of Mickey not seeming to have a relationship with his son. How that whole situation had happened. What, if anything, was still going on with that? 

Marco had known Mickey was fresh out of a breakup before he met him. So when he realized that he was interested in Mickey, he thought it might not end well. But he didn't imagine that it would lead to Mickey running out of his apartment to either go fight with or make up with his ex boyfriend. He silently cursed his own insistence at getting to know Mickey better. But he hadn't been able to help himself. He had instantly been attracted to Mickey, and when he first got a look at his blue eyes and saw the depth lying in them, he was a goner.

There was a soft knock at the door and Marco roused from his stupor, going to answer it. He couldn't even hide his shock when he opened it and Mickey was on the other side. "You're back."

Mickey came in and said, "Well yea, where would I be?"

Marco didn't answer his question. "Jesus, what the hell happened to your face?"

Mickey smirked and said, "Ian and I beat the piss out of each other."

Marco pulled him to the bathroom and said, "Let's get you cleaned up." 

Mickey disrobed down to his t-shirt and boxer shorts, tossing the rest of his things in a pile to be washed. He sat on the edge of the bathtub while Marco sat on the toilet looking over his injuries and wiping excess blood away where need be. Mickey didn't want to have to take another shower again, so he opted to just wash his hair and scrub his face in the sink. Marco helped put some peroxide and ointment on his cuts to help them heal. While Marco was working on him, Mickey had filled him in on everything. 

"I thought you were going to make up with him," Marco said. "Wasn't sure if you were actually going to come back or not."

Mickey looked up at him and caught his eye. "But I did. I made a choice. It was _my_ choice. I came back here."

Marco didn't say anything, not wanting to misconstrue Mickey's statement as saying he was the choice. He busied himself with putting away the supplies and when he was done, Mickey grabbed his wrist. Marco couldn't misinterpret anything when Mickey's lips were pressed onto his own. He felt Mickey's hand slide behind his head and pull him down and when he opened his mouth to speak, Mickey kissed him deeper. Marco had wanted this for some time now, and he relished it. The taste of Mickey on his lips, the feel of his hand strong and assured. 

Mickey pulled back and said, "I want to take this slow. I can't rush into this. But I want you."

Marco nodded and moved back in to kiss him again. For the rest of the evening, they talked, Mickey filling Marco in on everything that had happened with his earlier fight. They ate. They kissed some more. It was welcome affection for both of them, finally getting to explore something they had both been thinking about for awhile. It got late and they were both tired. 

"You can share my bed. No reason to sleep alone on the couch."

Mickey thought over the idea before finally agreeing. There was no funny business, no fooling around. They got into the bed and fell asleep with Mickey's face on Marco's chest.


	8. Chapter 8

When Mickey woke up the next morning, Marco was already out of bed. He checked his phone and saw that he had a text message from Mandy, reminding him about some rehearsal dinner that night. He didn't really get what the point of a rehearsal dinner was, but it was at a nice Italian place and Paul's family was paying for it, so he didn't argue. He wandered out into the kitchen and saw a fresh pot of coffee, but no Marco. He looked through the cabinets until he found the mugs and poured himself some. He sipped his coffee, wondering where Marco could have went, when he hear a crash and some cursing coming from the studio.

He went over and knocked on the door. "Marco? You alright in there?"

Marco answered, clearly exasperated. "Fuck. Fine. I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." Mickey tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "Can I come in?"

It was quiet for a moment, and then Mickey heard movement in the room. The door opened and Marco was there cradling his hand which was bleeding pretty heavily. He was also clearly upset about something. Mickey led him into the bathroom and this time he was the one helping Marco. He turned on the water in the sink and gently placed Marco's hand underneath the stream.

"What happened?"

Marco winced as the water flowed into the cut. "I was working on a piece and using my X-Acto knife and my hand slipped and I cut myself and when I jumped from the pain I knocked a bunch of shit over."

Mickey examined the cut and said, "I don't know, you might need stitches. Do you want me to take you to the ER?"

Marco shook his head hard and it was clear he wasn't having it. "No, I need to work on my project, I don't have time for this. I have gauze and medical tape in the medicine cabinet, can you help me wrap it?"

Mickey nodded and retrieved the supplies. He gently dried Marco's hand and applied pressure with a towel to stop the bleeding. He watched Marco, who was still obviously upset about something. When the blood flow seemed to have slowed down, he poured some peroxide on and blew on it quickly. Marco hissed at the burning and Mickey rubbed the back of his hand with his own fingertips to soothe him. He placed a gauze pad over the cut and wrapped it tightly, finishing it off with the tape to secure it. He released Marco's hand and watched as he tested its mobility.

"Thanks."

"You gonna tell me what's actually bothering you?"

Marco sat down on the edge of the tub and said, "I haven't even had a chance to tell anyone, but I've been offered my first gallery showing. It's in a month and I'm freaking out."

Mickey crouched down in front of him and said, "But that's great news! What's the problem?"

"Let's see," Marco replied, ticking off with his fingers as he went. "I don't have enough pieces. The ones I do have suck. I only have a month to get my shit together. If this tanks, I might as well not even bother trying to go for bigger shows or more shows."

"Marco, I don't know shit about art. But even I know that your stuff is good. When I went to the art sale and saw your work for the first time, it really drew me in. It made me feel and think. Isn't that the point? I get that you have work ahead to do but you can't get bent out of shape. C'mon, take a break and let's eat something and then you can go back in the studio to work for awhile, yea?"

Marco allowed Mickey to lead him into the kitchen and he sat down while Mickey made them both some scrambled eggs and toast. He accepted the food and a cup of coffee but he had no appetite. He took a few bites and then pushed most of it around on his plate. Marco was relatively self-assured most of the time, but he did have anxiety about his art, and a situation like this only stood to make it worse before it was better. He saw Mickey pretending not to watch him, and forced himself to take a few more bites and finish the coffee before he excused himself to go back into the studio.

Mickey had never seen Marco like this. He always seemed so calm and easygoing, so self-assured. While Mickey felt bad that Marco had clearly worked himself into a state, a small part of him was secretly glad to see that maybe Marco didn't have it all together. It make Mickey feel a little better about his own shit. He figured it would be best to leave Marco alone for awhile, so he went ahead to do the errands he had planned for the day. He managed to stay out of the house for a few hours and when he got back, there was no sign that Marco had even left the studio.

"Marco? How's it going in there? I was gonna make a sandwich, you want one?"

There was no answer and Mickey tried the door again. This time it was unlocked. He opened it slowly and saw that Marco was lost in his work and wearing headphones. Not wanting to disturb him, he slowly closed the door. Mickey figured he could just make him some food and if he didn't eat, he didn't eat. He made his way back into the kitchen and poked around until he found some sandwich fixings. He brought the food back to the studio and knocked again, this time practically banging on the door so Marco would hear him. He opened the door and this time he caught Marco's eye. He waved the plate at Marco and waited for him to take his headphones off before he spoke.

"You gotta eat man. I made you a sandwich, c'mon."

"Thanks Mick, but I'm okay."

"Nah man, you barely ate your breakfast and you're never going to make it until the rehearsal dinner later. Just come take a quick break and eat something."

Marco ran his hand through his hair and it was clear that he was frustrated. "Fuck, I forgot about tonight. This fucks up my whole schedule." He got up and moved towards Mickey, accepting the sandwich and taking a bite. "Thanks."

Mickey motioned towards the kitchen with his head. "Come eat with me. You need to relax. I can't imagine stressing yourself out does much for getting shit done. You can always pick up tomorrow and then once we get past Saturday you can spend all your free time on it."

Mickey could see that Marco was about to argue, but then he could see Marco changing his mind. He nodded and followed Mickey, flopping down and taking another big bite of his sandwich. Mickey sat down next to him and ruffled his hair. Mickey watched as Marco fidgeted with his hands, as if they didn't know what to do with themselves. If he wasn't holding his sandwich, his hands were drumming on the table, or he was cracking his knuckles, or he was picking at his cuticles. Finally, Mickey couldn't take it and he grabbed one of Marco's hands to stop him.

"You need to stop. You're driving yourself nuts."

Marco nodded. "I know. I can't help myself. That's how artists are, they get in their heads and then suddenly nothing is enough, it's all bad. It's hard to be objective."

Mickey squeezed the hand that he still had trapped between his own. "I get that. I do. But this person who offered you the showing, they clearly saw something in you. I mean the whole point is that people hopefully buy your stuff, right? And I'm sure they get a cut. So this isn't just someone who likes looking at your stuff, this is someone who thinks it can sell. So just keep doing what you do. And if there is anything I can help you with, I will."

Marco leaned forward and kissed Mickey. "Thank you," he mumbled against Mickey's mouth.

"You get a couple more hours to torture yourself today but then I'm dragging you out of the studio to get ready for the rehearsal dinner," Mickey said, only half joking.

Marco took the rest of his sandwich and went back into the studio. Mickey figured he could take advantage of the free time and take a nap.

\--------------------

"Hey. Mick? Get up. You need to wake up so you can get ready for dinner."

Mickey slowly opened his eyes and saw Marco above him, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair was still wet and hanging in loose waves around his face. When he saw Mickey open his eyes, Marco smiled brightly at him. "Hi there. Time to get up."

Mickey rubbed hard at his eyes. "What fuckin' time is it?"

"It's after four, and dinner is at six, so you better get your ass in the shower."

Marco moved to his dresser and pulled out underwear, socks and an undershirt. Mickey watched him moving, admiring his lanky body. He hadn't seen Marco undressed. He eyed him up and down. Marco was a little taller than Ian, maybe an inch or two. He was also slimmer, more wiry and less muscular, though he could see the lines of some arm muscles. His back was to Mickey when he dropped his towel on the floor and stepped into his boxer briefs. Mickey couldn't help but admire the fact that Marco had a nice, tight ass.

Marco looked at him and said, "Quit admiring the goods and get your ass in the shower. Mandy will kill you if we're late."

Mickey finally got up and went into the bathroom, but not before taking a last lingering look at the bulge in Marco's underwear. It had been months since Mickey had sex, and for awhile he hadn't thought much about it but now he was starting to. He got undressed and realized just how aroused that little show had made him. He figured he could spare a few extra minutes, and when he got in the shower he started to stroke himself. He imagined Marco's hand on him instead of his own, the two of them intertwined in bed. It didn't take long before Mickey came, rushing to get cleaned up so they could go to dinner. He dried himself with the towel and cinched it low around his hips. He wanted to give Marco something to think about too.

Mickey moved back into the bedroom and bent over his bag, rooting through it for something to wear. He could feel Marco watching him. He stood up and stretched first one arm and then the other over his head, putting deodorant on and feeling the towel loosen in its place. He watched Marco staring at the towel as it slipped off his hips and fell to the floor.

"See something you like?"

Marco didn't avert his eyes, leveling his gaze at Mickey's crotch. "You can put it that way. See something I may have to go after later when I get you home."

Mickey smirked. "That a threat or a promise?"

"You can take it however you like." Marco finally looked up and met Mickey's eye. "But you're going to take it."

Marco walked out of the room and it took all of Mickey's restraint not to chase after him. If today had been something for anyone else, Mickey would have shut his phone off and dealt with the aftermath later. As it was, he rushed to finish getting ready so they could get on their way. The sooner he got through this dinner, the sooner Mickey could get back there and let Marco live up to his words.

\--------------------

Iggy came to pick Ian and Debbie up to bring them to the rehearsal dinner. Ian felt some mild dread about seeing Mickey, but he was hoping since things ended peacefully enough after their fight that they could get through it. They got to the restaurant and saw that there were assigned tables. He saw that Mickey and Marco were at Mandy's table with her, Iggy, Paul and Paul's parents and sister. Ian saw that he and Debbie were with Gina and Ray and some of Paul's coworkers. He felt himself seething at the idea that Marco was at that table because of Mickey, and he willed himself to let it go. He went to say hello to Mandy and was greeted by her usual snark.

"Well, you don't look too bad after your fight last night."

"So you heard about that, huh?"

"Yea, your sister called me. I knew it would happen. Thought you guys might at least make it until tomorrow, though."

"I'm sorry, Mandy."

She smiled. "Ian, it doesn't matter. Probably better you guys got it out of your system anyway."

She excused herself to go greet some of Paul's family who were arriving and Ian went to join Debbie at their table. A few minutes later, he saw Mickey and Marco arrive together. He watched as they went up to Mandy and Paul and said their hellos, getting introduced to Paul's parents, and then watched as they approached the table Ian was at to say hi to Gina and Ray. Mickey glanced over and gave Ian a nod. His greeting for Debbie was much nicer, and at this point that was enough for Ian. He didn't want Mickey to act weird to her. She got up and gave Mickey a hug and he actually hugged her back. Marco hung back from all of it, talking to his sister. When it seemed everyone was just about there, they moved to their own table and took two seats with their backs to Ian.

Paul got up and made a speech, thanking everyone for being there to support them and talking about he and Mandy's relationship. He mentioned how they hadn't been together that long but he felt like sometimes when you're with a person, you just know. Ian smiled sadly to himself, thinking of he and Mickey. He had thought that would be them. He watched Mickey and Marco sitting next to each other now, Mickey's arm resting comfortably on the back of Marco's chair, the pair sitting close. He could see that Marco's hand was on Mickey's knee. Ian remembered a time, not all that long ago, where Mickey would have never been okay with that kind of display. He thought about how far Mickey had come in the past few years. He hated that he had been through all of that with Mickey and now this Marco person got the benefit of it. He also hated himself for pushing Mickey away for all of the wrong reasons.

Paul talked about how glad he was to be gaining two brothers in law in Iggy and Mickey. How welcome they had made him feel to their family. He thought about how, other than Terry of course, Ian had thought of them as his second family too. How surprisingly supportive Iggy had been of he and Mickey's relationship, never caring about the fact that his brother was gay, much to their surprise. He thought about the brief time when Mickey and Svetlana had made peace, and they along with Nika had all formed a mutual relationship that worked for Yevgeny. He thought about Yevgeny, another piece of Mickey out there in the world. Ian missed him. He tried not to think about it often but now he couldn't help himself. He could feel his emotions bubbling to the surface and he managed to keep it together long enough to let Paul finish his speech before he excused himself and hurried for the bathroom.

He locked himself in a stall and cried quietly, not wanting to draw attention if anyone came in. He was alone for a minute or two before he heard the bathroom door open and footsteps enter. He quieted down, hoping whoever it was would get about their business quickly and leave. But instead there was a knock on the door and a familiar voice behind it.

"Ian, you alright? Come out of there."

He unlocked the door and opened it, and Mickey was on the other side. He stayed where he was perched on the toilet and they stared at each other for a moment.

"Why are you in here locked in a stall crying?"

Ian shrugged and looked at the floor. "Just thinking about all that stuff Paul was saying about being part of the Milkovich family. That was me once. Not anymore."

"What do you mean, 'not anymore'?" Of course you are. Ian, you're Mandy's best friend. And you and I may not be together anymore, but you're still family. You're still _my_ family. Once you're in, you're in. Don't you get that?"

Ian sniffed and looked up at him. He whispered, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Mickey smiled and replied, "You're clearly doing a good job beating yourself up for everything that went wrong with us. I don't think you need my help." 

Ian laughed a little at that. Mickey offered him a hand, for what Ian wasn't sure, and he took it. Mickey pulled him out of the stall and over to a sink, wetting one of the paper towels and blotting Ian's face with it. He looked up and gave Ian a small smile. 

"I don't hate you. I feel like I need to keep reminding you of this. Sure we've got some shit to work out, but I think we'll get there in time. I can't imagine not having you around in some way, Ian. It feels... wrong."

Ian grabbed onto him then, burying his face in Mickey's shoulder. He felt Mickey put his arms around him and stroke his hair. He finally drew back and said, "Let's get back in there before they think something's happened." They made their way back to the dining room and rejoined the party. Later, when everyone was leaving, Mickey came over to Ian hesitantly and gave him a brief hug goodbye. Even Marco wished him a good night, and he reciprocated in kind. Maybe it would be easier to find a way to be friends than he had expected.

\--------------------

When they got back to Marco's place, they were barely in the door before they were all over each other. Between their earlier flirting and the open bar at dinner, they were pleasantly drunk and ready to make good on what they had been dancing around for some time now. Marco unwound the scarf from Mickey's neck and began to suck a mark below his jaw while Mickey struggled to get his jacket unzipped. They slowly made their way to Marco's bedroom while shedding their clothes. The jackets in the living room, shoes and sweaters in the hallway, pants by the bedroom door, until they both wound up in the bed together. Marco ran his hands under Mickey's t-shirt and along his sides, hitching the shirt up and trailing his tongue above Mickey's belly button and along his chest. He pulled the shirt over Mickey's head and tossed it behind him. He then teased his fingers along the waist band of Mickey's boxers, moving them but not taking them off. He could feel Mickey's erection straining under him but he didn't make any move yet to relieve him. 

Mickey pulled at Marco's own shirt and yanked it over his head. He shifted so that Marco was in between his legs and sat himself up so that he could pull Marco in for a kiss. He slotted their lips together and ran his hand through the hair at the back of Marco's neck, curling his fingers and tightening his grip. Marco moaned at the feeling of his hair being tugged and the sound went straight to Mickey's cock. He laid back with Marco pressed on top of him and deepened the kiss. Marco rocked slowly on top of him, their cocks rubbing together through their underwear. Finally, Marco drew back and reached for Mickey's boxers. He raised his hips while Marco slid them down and threw them on the floor.

In one swift move, Marco moved down and took Mickey into his mouth, slowly moving down until he had taken him all the way and drawing back up even slower. Mickey moaned and slid his fingers through Marco's hair, grabbing on for purchase but not guiding him. Marco worked his cock, catching his rhythm and working his hand as well. He stopped for a moment and put two of his fingers in his mouth before Mickey felt him slide one of them inside him. He panted a little bit, relishing in the feeling of something inside of him again. Marco worked the second finger in and scissored them gently while still working Mickey's shaft. He stopped to pull his own underwear off and grab the condoms and lube from his nightstand. He leaned over Mickey and kissed him deeply. 

"Is this okay? Do you want to do this?"

Mickey nodded his encouragement and pulled Marco's face down to kiss him again. Marco squirted some of the lube on his fingers and pushed them back inside Mickey. When he was satisfied, he unwrapped the condom and rolled it over his own cock, putting one more squirt of lube for good measure and pushing into Mickey slowly. Mickey hissed lightly as Marco's cock filled him. It felt like it had been an eternity. He rotated his hips to help him take Marco in until he bottomed out, the two of them breathing heavy together. Slowly, Marco began to move in and out as Mickey adjusted.

Mickey moved his feet up over Marco's hips and rested them on his back while he moved in and out. Marco slid one hand under Mickey to help tilt him while holding himself up with the other. The angle had Marco hitting Mickey's prostate and elicited a loud shout from Mickey. Marco drove for that same spot, making Mickey moan and gasp over and over. He could tell that he was going to come before much longer and he reached down to stroke his own cock in time with Marco's thrusts. After a few minutes, Mickey was spilling onto his stomach and he could feel Marco stuttering in him and knew that he had came too. Marco slowly pulled out and threw the condom in the garbage, laying back on the bed to catch his breath. He turned on his side to look at Mickey.

"You okay over there?"

Mickey reached for Marco and pulled him in, kissing him gently. "I"m fuckin' great."


	9. Chapter 9

Friday passed without incident, and then was Saturday. Valentine’s Day. Wedding Day.

Mickey made sure that he was awake at a reasonable hour so he could pick up his suit from the dry cleaner and get a haircut. Marco had told Mickey to take his car, which made running errands a whole lot easier. He went about his morning and came back to Marco’s so that they could get ready.

Mickey was happy for his sister. He had never seen her look so content. Back in Chicago, she was always either angry, scared or eerily unemotional. Here, she was lighter. He knew that they didn’t really have good examples of marriage and healthy relationships, but he hoped that she could figure it out. Hell, he hoped he could figure it out for himself when the time and the person were right.

He had thought Ian was the right person. Had loved him thoroughly, in a way that he had never loved anyone or even known he was capable of doing. Mickey wasn’t the type who grew up imagining a future; he hadn’t thought he would ever be able to have the future he truly wanted. But sometimes he would think about it with Ian. Mickey would lie in bed and look at Ian’s sleeping form and try to picture what he would look like in the future, where they would live. Because he really thought that was it. He had found his love.

There were times where he was insecure about their relationship. Where he wondered if he deserved Ian, if the bottom would fall out one day. But when it did, he was still shocked. Mickey couldn’t understand why Ian didn’t seem to understand that he just wanted to be there, to love him. He didn’t care about any bipolar disorder, or any struggle or hardship. Hell, he figured they had been through enough that he didn’t think Ian’s diagnosis was that scary. He just assumed they would figure it out. That’s what they did.

When he first came to Indiana, Mickey agonized to himself over what he did wrong, why Ian left him. It took some time for him to believe that maybe he didn’t do anything, that it was on Ian, that the relationship just ran its course. Accepting blame was easier for Mickey to do; letting go was hard. 

But Marco helped. He didn’t judge any of what Mickey told him, he was supportive and encouraging without pushing. Mickey started to believe that maybe, just maybe, he could do this again. He saw Mandy’s smile and he thought maybe he could do this again. He saw the look in Marco’s eye when he was helping Mickey with his tie, and he really wanted to do this again.

\----------

Marco and Mickey made their way back to Mickey’s apartment, where Mandy was getting ready. She hadn’t wanted Paul to see her, so she had insisted they split up that morning. Mickey knew Ian would be over there, but he was okay with it. He felt that they had made some sort of peace. He was sure that at some point they would have that talk and hash out some shit, but maybe that wasn’t so bad. They could speak their minds and maybe close that chapter of their lives with no regret.

Marco parked the car and they got out, heading to the apartment. Before they got to the door, Marco grabbed Mickey’s hand to stop him for a minute. He pulled Mickey close until they were in each other’s space, looking at Mickey with a mix of concern and curiosity. “You ready for today?”

Mickey nodded. “I think so. It’s weird that my little sister’s getting married, but I’m happy for her ya know?”

Marco leaned close and whispered in Mickey’s ear. “You look very handsome in your suit. Think a stud like you can save a dance for me at the wedding?”

Mickey snorted a little at that. “Not a chance you’re getting me on the dance floor.”

“Fine,” Marco replied between nibbling at Mickey’s earlobe. “Maybe we sneak off during the reception and have some alone time?”

Mickey turned and caught Marco’s lips with his own, humming a contented noise of agreement as he kissed him quick. “C’mon, let’s get in there before Mandy sends out the search party for me.”

He grabbed his keys out of his pocket and let them into the apartment. Mandy was in the living room fumbling to put on her earrings, and Mickey was taken aback at the sight of her. He had been with her when she found her dress, a simple white department store dress, not a fancy wedding gown. But seeing her cleaned up and decked out was entirely different.

She looked beautiful.

“Mick, thank god, can you help me with these?”

He walked over to her without argument and took it from her hand, looking at it to figure out how to do it and proceeding to push it through and clasp it for her. She handed him the other one and he followed suit.

She threw her arms around him. “Thanks, bro.”

Mickey hugged her tight, a sudden wave of emotion hitting him. “You look great, sis.”

She looked so much like their mom. But Mickey didn’t say that; he didn’t want to risk upsetting her on her big day. It was really quiet in the apartment, and Mickey realized only the three of them were there.

“Hey, where is everyone?”

Mandy looked at herself in the mirror hanging on her old bedroom door. “Gina and Debbie are at the venue making sure the last minute stuff is being dealt with, Ian ran to the drugstore for me, I’ve got killer heartburn.”

For a moment, Mickey hoped that Mandy wasn’t going to pull a runner on her wedding day. “Nerves?”

She shook her head. “No. Baby, I think.”

That was a relief. Since there was nothing to do but wait until it was time to leave, Mickey and Marco sat in the living room watching TV while Mandy bustled around the apartment doing her last minute things before they could leave.

Mandy came back into the living room with a question. "Did you remember your speech?"

Mickey was puzzled. "What speech?"

"You have got to be kidding me," she replied. "Your best man speech!"

"You didn't tell me I hadda make a speech."

"Of course you do," Mandy yelled at him. "You're my best man, you make a speech!"

"Mands," he yelled back. "Why would I know that?"

"YOU HAD A WEDDING!"

Marco was watching the volley back and forth, uncomfortable but also curious at this hint of Mickey's past. He shifted his eyes between them quietly, willing them to continue.

Mickey huffed at the reminder of Svetlana and that entire chapter. "Yea, TO A WOMAN! It's not like I did a whole lot besides show up, sign the fuckin' paper and hide in the basement getting wasted and pining away!"

He could see that his sister was getting worked up and he got up to calm her down. Mickey gently grabbed her by the shoulders and made her look at him.

"Relax, I'll come up with something by later on. It'll be fine."

Mandy looked up and nodded, getting distracted by something behind him. When she blanched, Mickey turned around and saw Ian standing by the front door holding a plastic grocery bag. No one had heard him come in.

"Uh, nice trip down memory lane," Ian murmured. "Got you some Tums."

He came over and gave Mandy the bag. "We got a little time right? I'm gonna go for a walk."

Ian turned tail and walked out of the apartment. Mandy looked at Mickey pleadingly and he knew she wanted him to go talk to Ian. He sighed, looking towards Marco who was still silently observing the scene. They stared at each other for a few long seconds before Marco gave him a small smile and a nod. Mickey took a breath and left the apartment to catch Ian.

He didn’t have to go far. When he got outside, he found Ian at the curb, leaning on a car and smoking a cigarette. 

Mickey moved next to him and leaned back on the car, their shoulders bumping. Ian offered him the cigarette and Mickey took it. They traded it off a few more times until it had burned down low and Ian flicked it into the street. Mickey wasn't sure how to start their conversation but he didn't have to worry.

"I was so angry at you when you got married," he sighed.

Mickey’s voice was barely a whisper. “I know.”

Ian’s eyes started watering and he looked up at the sky, trying not to cry. “I never even stopped to think about how you felt about it. I was just so mad at you for going through with it. I’m so sorry, Mick.”

Instinctively, he reached out and put a hand on Ian’s arm to comfort him. “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“If I hadn’t split, went to the Army…”

Mickey turned Ian to look at him. “Hey, there’s no point in ‘coulda woulda shoulda.’ It was a weird time, but you came back, and we figured it out.”

“Did we though?” He asked. “Because it feels like we just went from one issue to the next, mostly mine.” His voice dropped, tears threatening to fall again. “I don’t know why you stayed.”

Mickey grabbed his face and waited until Ian looked him in the eye. “Because I wanted to. I wanted to be with you, Ian. As for the rest of it, I just thought we’d figure it out.”

“I fucked up, Mick. I should have never broken up with you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it was all so jumbled, and I was in such denial about my diagnosis. Still am, sometimes. I thought I was doing you a favor.”

Mickey stroked Ian’s cheeks with his thumbs and then slowly dropped his hands, staying close. He had things he wanted to say but he could see that Ian wasn’t finished so he waited, silently urging Ian to continue.

“I’ve been on my meds and going to my appointments. I started seeing a therapist who’s helping me learn to cope with everything. We… We’ve talked about some of the things I did when I was manic. The hoarding. Yevgeny. The porn.”

His voice hitched at the end. Mickey looked away uncomfortably; he didn’t know that he really wanted to talk about that, but he knew it was also very long overdue.

Ian didn’t try to stifle his tears anymore. “Mick, I can’t believe I did that to you. That alone should have made me realize that something wasn’t right. I would never do that, you have to know that. I can’t ever apologize enough to make up for that.”

“Ian stop,” Mickey interjected. “You have to know… after you got out of the Army jail and took off, I was so angry and hurt…”

“Mick-”

“Ian, I fucked around too.”

“It’s okay.”

Mickey dragged his hand down his face. “No, it’s not. Just like it wasn’t that you did either. Fuck Ian, I never thought I’d say this but maybe you did the right thing. Maybe we needed to stop and take care of ourselves for a while before we could take care of each other.”

“I love you.”

Now it was Mickey’s turn to hold back tears. He knew it deep inside; had known it for a long time. But after he had said it and been rejected, he had given up hope that he’d ever hear those words from Ian. There was one problem with Ian’s words.

Mickey didn’t know if love was enough anymore.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m trying to get my shit together, you’re trying to get your shit together. Fuck, I don’t know. I need to think.” He suddenly remembered that Mandy and Marco were inside waiting for them and he looked at the time on his phone. “Shit, we have a fuckin’ wedding to get to. We have to finish this later.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to try to erase any sign that he had been upset and they made their way back into the house.

They walked in and Mandy and Marco studied them, obviously trying to figure out how the conversation went outside.

“All good?” Mandy asked.

Ian smiled brightly at her. “Yep, all good.”

She looked at Mickey, and while he wasn’t good at faking his expression, he at least tried to keep it neutral. She seemed to accept the answer and clapped her hands together. “Good, let’s get on the move. I have a wedding to go to.”

They all gathered their things and made their way to Marco’s car. Ian and Mandy got in the backseat together while Mickey got in the front next to Marco.

“You okay?” Marco whispered while everyone was busy getting settled.

Mickey nodded, unwilling and unable to get into a conversation about it with Marco right then. He wasn’t really sure if he was okay, but he knew that this wasn’t the time or place to try to figure it out. Mandy was getting married, and he had promised not to take away from her day.

\----------

The ceremony was short and sweet. Mickey was grateful. He had walked Mandy down the aisle and stood in place as her best man, and while he knew she was the focus, he didn’t like all the eyes on them. 

He was even having a good time at the reception. Paul’s family and friends were likeable and a lot of fun and knew how to party. The alcohol was flowing and Mickey had a pleasant buzz going, but he was pacing himself. He remembered that he had to give that best man speech and he refused to make an ass out of himself. He figured once he got through that, he could do whatever he wanted. 

Soon enough, Mickey was called up by the DJ and he nervously took the microphone, still unsure what he was going to even say.

_So, I don’t really have anything prepared. I didn’t even know I had to give a speech until this afternoon. First, thanks to everyone for coming. Mandy, I’m really happy for you, and happy that you and Paul found each other. Growing up with, you know, five brothers and being the youngest and only girl, we were always kicking guys’ asses for messin’ with her, because you know, no one is good enough for your little sister._

_But Paul, you’re a good guy an you make my sister happy and that’s all I ask. Because she deserves it. And if you ever forget she deserves it, well… You better fuckin’ run._

_We didn’t really have good role models for love and marriage growing up, so anything we’ve ever known about it was all shit we had to figure out ourselves. Hell, I don’t think any of us ever thought we would do these things, falling in love and getting married and having kids and all that. It never seemed appealing. But I guess when you meet the right person, you can change your mind._

_Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m happy for you guys and that I only want the best for you. To Paul and Mandy._

 

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted to the couple.

\-----------

As soon as Mickey was off-duty, he made his way to the bar and ordered a drink. He took a sip and felt someone come up behind him and whisper in his ear.

“Nice speech.”

He turned around and smiled at Marco, who had come up to refill his own beverage. “Thanks.”

The night went on and after dinner, the party really got going. By then, Mickey was pleasantly drunk and sitting at his table watching Marco, who was dancing with Debbie. That made Mickey think of Ian and he looked around but he didn’t see Ian anywhere. He tried not to think about it, but he couldn’t help himself. He got up and made his way outside to smoke a cigarette, hoping maybe Ian was out there.

Mickey stepped out the door and looked around, but there was no one in sight. He was about to tell himself to forget about it when he saw a plume of smoke puff out from the side of the building. He thought maybe he should still go back inside, or at least stay where he was, but his feet were moving and soon he rounded the corner and came face to face with Ian.

They stared at each other for a long moment before Mickey leaned next to him on the wall, taking out a cigarette of his own and lighting it. 

It was quiet between them. Mickey felt like their conversation had been left open-ended, but he didn’t really know what to say from where they left off. They stood silently, smoking and staring out into the darkness. Mickey finished his cigarette and dropped the butt on the floor, stepping on it and twisting his foot to grind it out. He was about to go back inside when Ian grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Did you mean what you said in your speech, about not thinking you’d ever find love?”

Mickey looked down at his feet. “Of course I did. You know my dad, why would I have ever thought I’d be able to have what we had?”

“Mick?”

He dragged his toe along the concrete. “Yea?”

Ian’s voice was earnest, needing Mickey to not just hear what he was saying but to listen. “I hope you always knew that I loved you. Whatever shit was going on, I hope you always knew that.”

Mickey finally met Ian’s eye, biting his lip. “I knew,” he whispered.

Ian moved closer to Mickey, closer, until his back hit the building. Mickey looked into Ian’s eyes and felt his hands gently on his neck, a thumb tracing his jaw as Ian leaned in and joined their lips together.

Mickey could feel his chest tighten. This wasn’t a kiss of passion or lust; it was tender. It was full of love. He practically felt the emotion Ian had behind it and soon it was over. Ian rested his forehead against Mickey’s for a moment before he stepped back.

Ian walked back towards the entrance and went inside. Mickey was torn; part of him wanted to shout, tell Ian to come back there, yell at him for even kissing him. But instead, he let Ian go inside.

\----------

The last thing on the agenda for the wedding weekend was that they were all supposed to have lunch before Iggy, Ian and Debbie left to head back to Chicago. Marco had begged off, wanting to refocus on his works for the gallery showing, but he had offered to drop Mickey back off at his apartment. The night before had been… strange.

Mickey didn’t want to lie to Marco, but he didn’t tell him what happened with Ian. He still hadn’t quite processed it himself. Marco had noticed the shift in his mood and just left him alone instead of pushing him, which had relieved Mickey greatly. They stayed to the end of the party and then went back to Marco’s place and immediately got undressed and went to bed.

Mickey got his things together and Marco drove him. When they pulled up in front of his place, Marco leaned over and gave him a kiss goodbye. Mickey felt a flutter of guilt at that, but ignored it as he got out and grabbed his things. He waved as Marco pulled away from the curb and dug his keys out of his pocket. He let himself into the apartment, expecting everyone to be there as that was the plan, but was greeted by an empty apartment.

He dropped his things and pulled out his cell phone to call his sister.

She picked up after a few rings. “Hello?”

Mickey’s annoyance was pretty clear. “Yo Mandy, where is everyone?”

He could hear that she sounded sheepish on the phone. “Shit, sorry Mick, I thought Iggy was going to call you. Fiona called Ian, some shit was going on at the house or something, I didn’t get the whole story. They left first thing this morning.”

Mickey knew that was probably a load of bullshit, but he wasn’t about to tell Mandy that. They chatted for another minute or two before hanging up. He looked around, unsure what to do with himself. He grabbed his things and brought them into his room. When he got in there, he saw a note folded up and resting on top of his pillow. He put his bag down again and went right for it.

_Mick,_

_It was really, really good to see you this weekend._  
_I wish things hadn’t gotten so complicated between_  
_us. I really hope that one day we can figure this out_  
_or at least be friends. You seem like you’re doing_  
_well out there. I don’t want to get in the way of that._  
_I want the best for you. Even if it’s not me. But please_  
_always know that I love you._

_Ian_


	10. Chapter 10

_ Six Months Later _

 

Mickey was really finding appreciation in coming home after a long day of work and relaxing. 

 

After her wedding, Mickey and Mandy had both buckled down on their GED studies and had gotten themselves enrolled in their trade programs; he for heating and air conditioning repair, she as an administrative assistant. Mickey had managed to find a job pretty quickly with a repair company that was willing to show him the ropes and give him the field experience, and Mandy planned to start job hunting as soon as she had her baby. She was quite big, nearing her due date and feeling the effects of being far into her pregnancy.

 

Coming home and unwinding was proving to be Mickey’s favorite time of the day. He was usually tired from the labor, but he felt productive and accomplished. He had studied and been certified and was trained in something. He took a lot of pride in his work. He liked to come home and reflect on the more difficult jobs, how he was able to use his knowledge and skill to fix these people’s problems. 

 

Having the financial stability made Mickey think of how he had always lacked in that area back in Chicago. He had thought about Svetlana, raising Yevgeny without his help, and he realized that something should have been done about that a long time ago. He had caved and called her, had sat back while she called him every name in the book and cursed him in Russian for good measure. Mickey extended an olive branch, telling her that he wanted to help, and eventually wanted to see his son again. That he wanted his son to know his cousin. She took the offer of support for starters and said she’d at least think about the rest.

 

He and Gina were still living together and it was working out quite well. They got along fine and there were no conflicts. Marco was a frequent visitor to their apartment, hanging out with his sister or spending the night with Mickey. Sometimes the three of them would eat dinner together, with or without Mandy’s occasional presence. Her and Paul lived nearby, but they were in baby mode, constantly doing things to prepare for its arrival.

 

And Marco. Things with he and Mickey were going really well. Mickey appreciated Marco’s easygoing nature. He never realized how keyed up he could be about things until he was around Marco more. He was uncomplicated and it was hard to ruffle his feathers. They got along great and never really fought besides a minor disagreement now and then. They had never really had a conversation about their status, but Mickey thought it was safe to say that Marco was his boyfriend. Making a declaration about it had just never seemed necessary.

 

Mickey let himself into the quiet apartment and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He popped the top off and took a refreshing gulp. He and Marco were going to grab some dinner and he looked up at the clock to make sure he would have time to take a shower before Marco got there. Satisfied, he sat down and watched some TV while he finished his drink.

 

Mickey threw out the empty bottle and turned on the shower. While it got hot, he stripped down and tossed his work clothes in with the rest of the dirty laundry. He climbed in and let the water run over him, washing away the dirt and grime from a long day. Mickey spent a couple of minutes just standing under the stream of water before he finally started lathering and soaping up his body. He took a little longer rinsing himself and turned the shower off. 

 

He grabbed a towel and started to dry off when he heard knocking on the front door. He cinched the towel around his waist and went to see who it was. As he walked through the apartment he could hear a voice outside. 

 

“Mick, are you home yet? Open the door! Hello?!”

 

_Marco_. But he was really early. What was he doing here so soon? Mickey got to the door, unlocking and opening it. 

 

“Calm your tits, what the hell is going on?” He greeted Marco with confusion. 

 

Marco burst in the door and threw his arms around Mickey. “I have good news! No, great news!”

 

Mickey couldn’t help but laugh at Marco’s excitement as he gave him a quick hug back. “Okay, so spill. But come in the room with me so I can get dressed.”

 

They walked into the room and Mickey started rummaging through his drawers. He was pulling out clothes and throwing them on a bed when Marco finally spoke behind him.

 

“I got offered a major showing at a gallery in New York.”

 

He stopped what he was doing and turned to Marco. The excitement on his face was apparent. Mickey felt his heart swell, happy to see that all of Marco’s effort and talent were paying off. He crossed the room and hugged Marco tight. “Hey, that’s a big deal. I’m so happy for you.”

 

They let go of each other and Mickey started getting dressed. Marco sat on the bed and watched, the expression on his face belying the fact that he had more to say. Mickey looked at him until he kept speaking.

 

“My boss said that I should run with the opportunity, move out to New York and try to ride the momentum and make a name for myself.”

 

Mickey nodded thoughtfully. “Well that makes sense. If you’re there, you can meet people and get contacts and shit.” He turned his back to grab his shirt and pull it over his head.

 

“Mick?” Marco asked quietly behind him.

 

“Yea?”

 

There was a long pause before Marco finally spoke, and when he did, it was a whisper. “Come with me.”

 

Mickey froze in place. “What?”

 

His voice was stronger now. “Come with me. To New York.”

 

Mickey turned around and appraised Marco, seeing nothing deceitful in his eye. This was a serious proposition, and one that Mickey had no idea how to handle. He sat next to Marco on the bed, not speaking while he gathered his thoughts. Finally, Mickey looked up and met Marco’s eye.

 

He bit his lip nervously. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

 

Marco immediately looked crestfallen; it was clear that he had hoped or assumed Mickey would go for the idea. “Why not?”

 

Mickey sighed. “It’s not about you, not at all. I just… I’m finally getting my shit together. I’ve got my GED and I got a good job. I’m taking care of my son, and after everything that’s happened, I can’t just go back on that. Hell, my sister’s about to have a baby. I can’t just pick up and leave now, man. I need to do this, for me.”

 

Marco leaned over and kissed Mickey gently. When he pulled back, he gently pushed a lock of hair back from Mickey’s face that had fallen forward. “I gotta go.”

 

“Wait, what about dinner?” Mickey asked.

 

“Let’s not make this any more difficult,” he replied as he got up from Mickey’s bed.

 

Mickey watched as Marco left his room. He heard footsteps make their way through the apartment and then heard the front door open and close softly. Mickey laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Of all the things he could have expected for the night, a break up was not one of them.

 

\----------

 

“C’mon, let’s get a move on! I know this is the most you’ve moved in years but dude, stop being a lazy shit! How’d I get stuck doing all the heavy lifting?” Mickey teased Marco as he carried a large box of art supplies out to the curb.

 

“Fuck off,” Marco yelled back at him, struggling with his desk chair. 

 

Mickey laughed and went back into the apartment. Paul and Ray were both inside preparing to haul Marco’s couch to the moving truck. Mickey went back into the studio to grab another box. He saw that there were still some pieces that weren’t packed, just covered with a tarp. Marco came in behind him and Mickey gestured to the hidden art. 

 

“What about those? Do you have a box for them?”

 

Marco shook his head and replied, “Those are being saved for last.”

 

Mickey nodded and grabbed another box, making his way outside. They all continued until the moving truck was packed and ready to go. Paul and Ray said their goodbyes to Marco and left he and Mickey alone. After their breakup conversation, everything seemed to happen so fast. It was only three weeks later and here they were, packing up Marco’s apartment and sending him off to New York. The two of them stood in the kitchen, drinking from some cold water bottles, and surveyed the empty apartment. Mickey looked into the living room and thought of the first time Marco had kissed him.

 

“I’m gonna miss ya,” Mickey admitted. 

 

Marco reached over and cupped the back of Mickey’s neck, pulling him closer. “There’s always time to change your mind.”

 

“I can’t do that,” he whispered.

 

Marco pulled Mickey even closer and pressed their lips together. “I know,” he mumbled against Mickey’s mouth. 

 

They kissed a little longer and pulled back. Marco’s eyes were damp and Mickey wiped the tears away.

 

“Hey, none of that.” He chided softly. “This is going to be great for you, you’ll see. You’re going to conquer the art world there in New York.”

 

That seemed to snap Marco’s attention back and he grabbed Mickey’s hand and led him through the apartment. “Come with me, I have something for you.” He led them into the studio and over to the covered artwork. “This isn’t actually coming with me, I made it for you.”

 

Mickey stepped forward, with Marco’s encouragement, reached over and pulled the tarp off. Underneath was a mosaic. Mickey studied it when realization dawned on him.

 

“Holy shit, is this supposed to be me?!”

 

It was abstract, so it didn’t look exactly like a portrait. But Mickey was able to pinpoint the swoop of dark which was his hair, and two bright blue pieces of glass for his eyes. He had never seen anything like it, and he marveled over it. That someone had done this for him touched him deeply.

 

“What do you think?” Marco asked him.

 

“This is really amazing,” Mickey replied. 

 

Marco leaned over and whispered in his ear. "The pieces might be damaged, but if you reinvent them in a new way, they can be pretty beautiful."

 

Mickey recognized those words, from the first time he got to see Marco’s studio, and now he understood what Marco had been implying back then. That he was those pieces. That there may have been things about him that had been broken, but that didn’t have to mean he would stay broken. He turned and gave Marco a hug. They stood there in the studio for a while, holding each other. 

 

Finally, it was time for Marco to get on the road. Mickey took his mosaic and put it in the car that once belonged to Marco, but was now his. Not needing it in New York, Mickey had bought it from him. They stood together by the driver’s door on the truck, neither wanting to leave. Not wanting to make it any worse, Mickey reached over and pulled Marco in for one last hug.

 

“Have a safe drive, you hear me? Text me when you stop for the night.”

 

He felt Marco nod into his shoulder. Mickey squeezed him tight. “Marco, thank you. For everything since I got here. I mean it.”

 

Marco whispered, “I love you, Mick.” 

 

Before Mickey could say a word, Marco kissed his temple and pulled away, climbing into the truck and starting it up. He watched as the truck pulled away and Marco threw a wave out the window. Mickey waved back and stayed in the street until the truck was out of sight.

 

\----------

 

Exactly ten days after Marco left, Mandy went into labor. Mickey was a wreck as he spent the entire weekend in the hospital while his sister endured what felt like a never ending labor. Finally on Sunday, she was taken in for a c-section, and soon after Mickey’s niece was born. Mandy and Paul named her Simone. Late Sunday evening, Mickey got to see all of them after Mandy was taken back to her room to recover. He wanted to stay longer, but he had to go to work the next morning. Mickey held Simone for a little while and brought his sister some food, but soon he was on his way home.

 

He had sent Marco a text message to let him know and had received a response passing on well wishes. They had messaged each other a few times since the move, but sparingly. Mickey knew that overdoing it would just make the distance and the breakup worse, for both of them. After work on Monday, he went back to the hospital to visit Mandy and Simone. She was on the far side of the hospital room, the curtain drawn. The first thing that Mickey saw was a big floral arrangement. He looked at the card and saw it was from Marco.

 

The second thing he saw when he finally stepped behind the curtain was Ian, sitting next to the bed and holding Simone in his arms.

 

“Hey, Mick.”


	11. Chapter 11

After visiting for awhile, Mandy kindly told both Mickey and Ian to fuck off and leave. She was hormonal and exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep. They made their way out of the hospital, stopping outside the entrance and looking at each other awkwardly.

Mickey noticed that Ian had a duffel bag with him. “Where are you staying?”

Ian shrugged and replied, “Haven’t planned anything. Figured I’d just look up cheap hotels and pick the closest one.”

Mickey bit his lip for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Finally he sighed and said, “That’s fuckin’ stupid. Just crash at my place.”

“You sure?” Ian’s hesitation was written on his face.

Mickey nodded and led the way to his car. They climbed in and he started the motor, backing out of his parking spot and making his way down the street towards his neighborhood. The drive was quiet; neither of them really knew what to say to each other.

“I don’t remember you having a car when I was here,” Ian observed.

“I didn’t, I just got it recently.” Mickey didn’t feel the need to tell Ian where he had gotten it from.

He found a spot down the street from his apartment and parked the car. They got out and Mickey led the way. It wasn't until they were in the apartment that it occurred to Mickey that he was roommates with Gina… Marco’s sister… He could have kicked himself. Of course he and Marco weren't even together anymore, but he didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about the situation. He took out his phone and sent a message to Gina before she could arrive home to the surprise.

_Mickey: Went to see Mandy and the baby today, showed up and Ian was there, told him he could crash on the couch while he's visiting since he had nowhere to stay._

_Gina: Ok I'll be at Ray’s anyway._

Ian put his things down and sat on the couch. Mickey managed to find an extra blanket and brought it to him, sitting down next to Ian but leaving a comfortable space between them.

“Did you eat dinner? I was gonna order pizza if that works for you.”

Ian nodded. “Pizza’s fine.”

_God this is fuckin’ awkward_ , Mickey couldn't help but think. He called in the order and turned on the TV just to have some noise. The tension was thick; it felt to Mickey as if the air was slowly being sucked out of the room. He needed to get out of there. He took a few bills out of his wallet and dropped them on the coffee table.

“I'm gonna hop in the shower, use that if the food gets here before I'm done.”

Ian looked up and nodded, the expression on his face hard to read. Mickey retreated quickly, grabbing fresh clothes from his own room before locking himself in the bathroom. He ran the shower, making the water as hot as he could stand and undressed. He stepped into the tub and let the water run over him, trying to clear his mind but failing. Ian was there, in his apartment, sitting on his couch. No matter how much time passed, he always appeared again. There were so many unanswered questions. Mickey scrubbed at his skin, trying to wash them away, but the more he fought it the stronger the thoughts became.

By the time he had finished showering and changed, the pizza had arrived. Mickey grabbed a slice as he made his way back to the living room, dropping down on the couch. He and Ian both stared at the TV mindlessly.

“Want a beer?” Mickey asked.

Ian shook his head. “Can’t really drink on the meds. One won’t do anything, but what’s the point of just having one?”

Mickey thought of their last visit to the dugouts. “That’s right, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Ian shrugged. He had a wistful smile on his face, and Mickey knew they were remembering the same thing.

He tried to turn his focus back to his dinner, but Mickey had no appetite. He took a bite or two and put his plate down.

“How’s Marco?” Ian asked.

Mickey felt himself squirm. He really would have preferred to avoid the topic altogether. “He’s good. We broke up. We’re still friends though.”

Ian’s head shot up in surprise. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Can I ask what happened? Is that weird?”

“He got offered a big gallery showing in New York, went out there to try to further his career.” Mickey bit at his lip before he continued. “He wanted me to go with him. I said no.”

“Shit, why the hell would you do that?” Ian asked, clearly surprised.

Mickey shook his head. “It just wasn’t right.”

Ian didn’t say anything, clearly thinking about Mickey’s response.

“Why did you kiss me? At the wedding?” Mickey whispered. He had been wondering about this on and off for months, and he knew this could be his only chance to finally get an answer. He figured he better take it.

“Couldn’t help it,” Ian replied. “The conversation was very intense, and you looked so handsome in your suit, and just… For a while, when everything was still sort of foggy, I couldn’t remember our last kiss. If there would never be another chance, I wanted one last kiss I could remember.” Ian peeked over at Mickey.

“It was at the dugouts.”

Ian nodded. “I did remember eventually. But I hated that I forgot it in the first place. It just, it made me feel better to have that.”

“Well, what about how I felt?” Mickey asked. “You did that, and then you walked away and left. Why did you leave?”

“You have a good thing going for yourself out here,” Ian said. “You had Marco, and you were really getting yourself together. I didn’t want to get in the way of it.”

“Should have asked me what I wanted,” Mickey scoffed.

“You’re right,” Ian agreed. “So what do you want, Mick?”

Mickey looked up, staring Ian right in the eye. “You, ya fuckin’ asshole.” He sighed and looked down at his hands, picking his cuticles anxiously. “For my goddamn life, I can’t fuckin’ shake you. Marco was great, and I care about him. I’ll always be grateful for him. He did everything right, ‘cept for one problem. He wasn’t _you_.” Mickey’s voice hitched on that you and he continued. “He just wasn’t you. I couldn’t move out there with him. It wouldn’t be right, and he deserves better than that.”

Ian shifted closer to him on the couch, and when Mickey looked up, he saw the tears in Ian’s eyes. He reached out slowly, gently resting his hand on Ian’s cheek. When Ian leaned into the touch, that was all it took before Mickey burst forward and wrapped Ian in his arms. He felt Ian’s arms around his waist and it felt like home. Mickey buried his face in Ian’s shoulder. _Thank fuck, he smells the same_.

“I’ve missed you,” Ian whispered in his ear.

“Me too.” Mickey pulled back enough to turn and press a gentle kiss to Ian’s lips.

He felt Ian’s hand snake behind his head, fingers brushing through his hair. Mickey didn’t even know how much he had missed it until he had it again. He let Ian pull him closer, feeling the touch of Ian’s tongue on his lips and allowing him in. Mickey’s heart was racing, and he could feel himself getting aroused. They started undressing each other right there on the couch, Ian standing up to push his pants and underwear down, kicking them off. Mickey shifted on the couch so he could pull his own off and soon they were both naked. Mickey laid there, vulnerable and exposed to Ian as he lowered himself down and pressed himself on top of Mickey’s body.

There was no coming back from this, Mickey knew that. If they were going to do this, they either had to go down this road or never speak again. This wasn’t some guy, Mickey couldn’t just have it be a thing from time to time. It had to be all or nothing. Ian had been prepping him and was about to put on a condom when Mickey stopped him.

“This doesn’t fix everything,” he said. “We got a lotta shit to work on, Ian”

“I know.” Ian replied softly.

Mickey searched his eyes. “You can’t just run away on me again. You gotta just let me help you if you need it.”

Ian’s hand smoothed over Mickey’s hair. “I can’t promise it’ll be that easy, Mick. But I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying. I will.”

Mickey accepted that answer. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it never really had been with them. That didn’t make it any less worth it to Mickey. If anything, it made it that much more worth it. He nodded and pulled Ian’s face down to his own. They kissed, tongues moving together and intensity growing until Ian was reaching for the condom again. Between the emotion and the passion of their reunion, Mickey was overwhelmed, and he felt a tear sneak out of his eye. He thought it had gone undetected until Ian brushed it away with his lips and rested their foreheads together. Mickey pulled him close and they moved together until they had both climaxed.

Later they went to bed together, and when Ian slid behind Mickey and pressed against his back, Mickey felt complete again for the first time since he had left Chicago.

\----------

Mickey was sitting in the living room and holding Simone while Mandy warmed up her bottle. He was jiggling his foot anxiously, watching and waiting. The baby seemed to enjoy the movement at least; she had toned down the wails from just a few short minutes ago. Mandy joined them in the living room and held the bottle out to Mickey.

“Wanna give it a try?”

He shrugged a little and held out his free hand, taking the bottle from her. Mandy showed him how to hold it and soon the baby was suckling away. Mickey managed to distract himself for a moment as he watched his niece drinking down her bottle.

“Jesus, kid chugs that thing like we chugs beer, is that fuckin’ normal?” He asked.

Mandy snorted a little and replied, “Yea, it’s fine. Weirded me out too at first. Give her to me, I gotta burp her.”

Mickey pulled the bottle from Simone’s mouth and put it down, passing her over to Mandy. As she patted Simone’s back, they heard a horn down the road, one long and loud beep punching into the otherwise quiet afternoon.

“You think that’s them?” He asked.

“One way to find out,” Mandy replied.

Mickey moved to the front door, stepping outside just in time to see a moving truck pulling up with a car behind it. The door to the truck opened and Ian appeared, throwing his arms up in a big wave to Mickey. Behind him, the driver’s door to the car opened and Iggy appeared, moving towards the back of the truck to open it. The passenger door opened and Mickey watched Svetlana open the back door of the car to unstrap Yevgeny from his car seat. He was nervous to see her after all this time, but he knew this was right. It had been perfect, really. Gina had moved back east and her bedroom was available, and Mickey and Ian had talked about getting Svetlana to come out there anyway. It had all fallen into place much easier than Mickey had ever anticipated.

He moved quickly from the door and made his way to Ian, hugging him tightly. After they reunited, Ian had stayed in Indiana with him for about a week, but eventually had to head home. They had discussed a lot of things, and Ian had made it clear that he wanted to come back here to be with Mickey. It took a little time to get himself sorted out, get his affairs wrapped up. It had taken even longer to convince Svetlana to give it a shot too, but her anger about a lot of things had faded as time went on. She wanted Yevgeny to know his father, and she wanted to get out of hooking, so she said she would at least give it a try.

Mickey released Ian and went to greet everyone else. Iggy was easy enough, but he hesitated when it came to Svetlana and Yevgeny. He was nervous, actually fuckin’ nervous. He approached slowly, watching Svetlana watching him, looking at Yevgeny and how big he’d gotten. Mickey felt a pang of guilt deep in his stomach; he knew he had missed a lot. Svetlana had assured him that Yevgeny wouldn’t remember this time in their lives, but also made it very clear that if he was going to do this, he had to do it. There could be no more waffling about, no more casting aside. Because soon, Yevgeny would remember these things.

Yev squirmed in Svetlana’s arms and she put him down. “He walks now.”

Mickey watched as Yev slowly teetered along down the sidewalk. “Holy shit,” he whispered. The reality of how long it had been was slowly sinking in. He watched his son meander, noticing how big he was, how attentive. Svetlana stood with him, her shoulder bumping his own.

“This is last chance,” she told Mickey. “If you do not want to do this, you tell me. I get in car with brother, we go back. I told you once, no more bullshit with baby. This is not baby, this is boy now. Boy needs his father. If you not ready, we go.”

He watched as Ian scooped Yev up, tossing him gently in the air and eliciting lots of giggles. Ian laughed too, burying his face in Yev’s belly as he caught him.

“I’m ready.”

\----------

Mickey dragged himself in from work. He was covered in grime from that day's particularly filthy job, but he had fixed a major problem the client was having and he was pleased with himself. Ian had left already, he was working in Mickey's old bar, so when he did get home, he was greeted by Svetlana and Yev. Mickey had been nervous when they moved in that Yev wouldn't take to him after all the time apart, but he was just as easygoing as he had been when he was an infant and he had quickly attached himself to his dad. As he walked in, Yev looked up from where he was watching cartoons and got up to toddle over and hug Mickey's legs.

Svetlana wrinked her nose. "Ugh, you are dirty. Go bathe and then hug baby."

Mickey smirked, not taking her apparent anger very seriously. "Hey, he hugged me. And I'm going. Yev, go watch TV."

Yev let him go and Mickey went into his room for clean clothes. He showered quickly, not wanting to waste time on that while Yev was still awake. He finished up and came out to join them in the living room. Mickey scooped Yev up into his lap and blew raspberries on his stomach while Yev giggled up a storm. He hugged him and smelled his baby lotion and laundry detergent. He was glad to be back with his son and his little family, strange as they may be.

"Oh you got letter," Svetlana told him. "What friends do you have in New York?"

_Holy shit._ "New York?"

Svetlana pointed to the kitchen counter where the mail was waiting to be opened. Mickey got up and went over, picking up the pile and sorting through various bills and an appointment reminder from Ian's new doctor, until he found the letter in question. There was no return address, but that didn't matter. He knew exactly who had sent it. He opened the envelope carefully and took out a letter and a newspaper clipping. It was a review of Marco's gallery showing from one of the local papers. Mickey skimmed through it, feeling happy at the positive reaction Marco was getting to his art. When he was done, he finally looked at the letter. It was really more of a brief note, and it didn't take him long to read.

 

Mickey,

I heard from Gina about you and Ian. I just wanted to let you know that I'm really happy for you. I am.

I know you probably don't believe that, but it's the truth. Sometimes you can't fight what is meant to

be. You and Ian clearly are. I wish you guys nothing but the best. You're a great guy, Mick. You deserve

only the best. Please remember that.

\- Marco

 

Mickey smiled and folded the letter and article back up and stuck them back in the envelope. He went into his room and put it in the drawer of his nightstand for safekeeping. He looked over at the mosaic Marco had made for him which was hanging proudly on his wall. He thought of Marco and felt that fondness in his chest. He hadn't been in love with Marco, he understood that part of him had never fully let Ian go. But he had cared about him, still did. He hoped that Marco was happy out there in New York too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get some of my angst out somehow. Come hang with me on Tumblr. [Here I am.](http://grumblesandmumbles.tumblr.com)
> 
> A note for the people who have been asking what will happen with Ian and Mickey: I haven't decided. And even if I did, I wouldn't say. What's the point of revealing where the story is going? Then there's no point to keep telling it. I appreciate everyone's interest and that you have all been reading and leaving your thoughts and opinions. I do hope you continue to do so.


End file.
